Spinning Out || w o o s a n ||

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The alarm rings loudly at 4:30 in the morning. It's an ugly sound, hurtful as well, scratching at his eardrums with no mercy as he shifts around the bed blindly in search for his phone. Fingers find a cold surface underneath the pillow. They turn off that damn thing.

Wooyoung sighs loudly and opens his eyes. It's dark inside his small bedroom, outside the sky has not changed its color yet either. Outside his room, someone just closed a door and a light is turned on in the common hallway between the three separated bedrooms. He doesn't even need to guess who it is, because before he can even sit up, his door is opened widely, revealing a tired tall and slim man dressed in pink pajamas with a bunny pattern everywhere.

Wooyoung blinks at him. Sleep is still clinging onto his eyelids for some reason and for the first time in weeks, he wishes he didn't have to wake up this early in the morning.

"I'll go wake Mingi up." Seonghwa whispers and all Wooyoung does is nod his head.

He's been living with his coach and teammate for over two years now, after an unfortunate mixed episode he had in which he almost took his own life in front of his mother. That night he managed to officially push everyone from his family out of his life. He doesn't blame her, really, he's a lot to deal with, but even now, two years later, he still dreams the horror in her eyes when she saw him in the bathroom with the blade of a knife dug into his arm. She wanted to take him to a special hospital once again, the third time in less than two years, she blamed him for not taking his meds as he should, she yelled at him that he was not only ruining his life but also hers. She's right, he does have a talent to ruin himself in the worst ways possible, but it's as if he wished to get his dad's illness at birth.

Having Bipolar 1 sucks, especially when you get diagnosed late in your teenage years when all you want is to achieve your dreams.

He got diagnosed at sixteen, one year before he officially debuted at the Winter Olympics. It was as if it wasn't enough he sacrificed his whole childhood for this sport; all of a sudden he also had to go crazy. It was harsh, horrible, terrifying to experience his first manic episode at sixteen years old. He scared the shit out of everyone dear to him at the time, but if he looks back, those times were nothing compared to what came next.

Wooyoung doesn't really hate his life, but he can't say he likes it either. He's a very lonely person; he decided it was for the best after so many people got hurt because of him in the past. He's a cold person as well, and only has three people he genuinely likes in this world of his. His coach, who saved him from his misery when he was at his lowest in 2018, Mingi, who as much as he tries to see as an opponent in this sport he cannot because this guy has too big of a heart and is too talented for his own good and Yeosang, who's been by his side ever since they were kids. He loves Yeosang the most, because even after twenty years of being friends and witnessing all the thing he did to himself, he still remained by his side.

Wooyoung doesn't think he deserves Yeosang as his best friend. He's far from a good person, they all know it, Yeosang knows it too, yet he never leaves, which only grows the guilt he constantly feels when he looks at him.

Footsteps and a slammed door snap him out of his random thoughts. Seonghwa hums to a song inside the kitchen, Mingi yawns loudly like an animal and Wooyoung finally urges himself to push the fluffy and warm blanket off himself. He's never been a morning person, but waking up before five is a must for him and his friend. This is their life, filled with constant training until their limbs hurt, until their bones shout in despair that they are about to give up on them, until their lungs are on fire, until the whole rink spins along with them, until there is no air left in them to breathe. This has been Wooyoung's life for more than fourteen years now, since he was a ten year old child with only one dream: to compete in the Olympics.