Spinning Out || w o o s a n ||

❄4❄

The next week goes by with the speed of light in Wooyoung's opinion. Despite his brain growling at him inside his skull to overwork himself to the bone like he usually does, the young man had to take it easy, one because of his ankle which started hurting once again and two because of Seonghwa and his hawk eyes who never left his side. He never landed the Quad Axel again in almost seven days and truthfully speaking, it wrecks him on the inside. He feels useless, pathetic, unworthy of this talent he possesses, like his mother would say. How can he get the perfect height and speed but when it comes to doing all four spins, he always manages to spin three and a half of a fourth one? Absolutely pathetic.

He's halfway through his morning practice, with Yunho reflecting his moves graciously when Wooyoung feels his limit reach him. He's been learning the choreography for two whole hours, following Yunho's moves until he gets them perfectly. He'll have to choose a song as well, soon, but he'll only do it after he manages to imprint the moves of the full program into his brain. He needs to become one with the routine, his moves, the way he spins, the way he jumps, the way he does his step sequence, all of these, need to reflect himself and only when he reaches that level of perfection will he find a suited song for it. He's always done it like this, ever since he was little, and only after his program became himself would he search a song. He usually opts for either dramatic ones or emotional ones, there is no in between.

"I thought of switching it up a bit for the short program." Yunho speaks when they take a well awaited break by the benches.

Wooyoung frowns a little bit in confusion as he looks up at the giant man. Without looking away, he searches for his water bottle in the bag next to him.

"What do you mean?" He is not a big fan of drastic changes in his routines, especially if it's about changing the vibe he usually chooses and searching Yunho's dark brown eyes silently tells him the man has already consulted Seonghwa about it. Traitors, he thinks and untwists the cap. It's not like they can force it on him whatsoever, and it's not like he'll accept it either. They're at a dead end.

"You always choose..." The brown haired sighs as if searching for his words. "I wouldn't say sad songs, because they are not, but the whole aura you give while you skate is always filled with somehow sad emotions if you know what I mean. There is never happiness or I don't know..."

That's because Wooyoung is not a happy man. He will never portray something that is not suited for him, especially when his mind has stopped having happy thoughts for some years now. But he gets what Yunho means. His routines are always dark, colorless, but they reflect him. His twisted mind, dark thoughts, his madness lurking inside him and sometimes getting the best of him. This is him, a carnival of chaos and his routines always manage to show a little part of it perfectly.

"And what do you want to change?"

Yunho scratches the back of his neck.

"The whole atmosphere. I want colors, I want smiles, I want..."

"No." Wooyoung replies sternly. He takes a sip of his cold water. "You can forget about it."

The older sighs, but he does not look defeated at all. He'll be insistent, Wooyoung is sure of that, he will try get under his skin, change his mind, change the way he is, but the raven haired will never let him have his way. He should not let others change who he is, he doesn't want to change who he is. He hates this version which he became over the years, yes, he absolutely despises it, but he made peace with the fact that he will never return to how he was back in his teenage days. That Wooyoung is gone, dead, out of this world, forever. Wooyoung who lives now is cold, mad, broken, lifeless sometimes, but he accepted it long ago. He knows, deep down, that the only way of getting rid of this version of himself is getting rid of himself physically and as much as the thought appeals him, he still needs that gold medal to feel fulfilled. He can die after for all he cares, it's not like he has other goals in his life besides this one.