Spinning Out || w o o s a n ||

❄8❄

The following couple of days are very weird for Wooyoung. He feels weird, out of place, more than usually if he's being honest.

He falls back into his routine, trying to ignore the long looks Seonghwa gives him all the time, or the worried questions coming from Mingi. He knows they both feel bad now that they know what happened when they were away, that night, and Wooyoung wonders if he would have done something more if Yeosang and San wouldn't have arrived in time or at all. But Seonghwa is as careful as he can be, constantly watching him, asking him if he's alright, making sure he eats and drinks enough, that he takes his meds, that he isn't too stimulated by everything really. Wooyoung expected to be scolded that evening, when the two returned home, he really expected Seonghwa to reproach him, after all it must be tiring to look after someone like him.

He's a tiring person, a burden most probably to most people in his life. Wooyoung hates it deeply, he hates himself deeply. If only he were normal like the rest, if only his father didn't have to be a mad man, if only he never got his illness when life was the best for him.

But Seonghwa never scolded him that evening. From the moment he and Mingi stepped foot into the apartment, the older sensed something happened. He knew it before they even locked eyes, but when they did, Wooyoung did crumble on the couch in tears. He never wished for this, he never wished to be all alone all of a sudden, to feel as fi everything tightened around him, to hear his brain scream at him to do something because it was all too much, he never wished for it. And Seonghwa knew his episode ended badly right then, in the hallway, but instead of being scolded as he expected, he was filled with warmth coming from both of them.

He deserved to be scolded, Wooyoung thinks. He promised it would be alright that they left, he promised Seonghwa he'd call if he felt worse, he promised Seonghwa he would not be like in the past. But it was the same as usually, and Wooyoung got surprised despite knowing it would be the same thing.

He loves Seonghwa dearly, he came to realize that night. He doesn't know what would be of him without this man in his life. Seonghwa was his knight in shiny armor two years ago, and he still is to this day. He loves him, yet he wonders if the older loves him back. He's hard to love, hard to deal with, hard to accept. He's so much and absolutely nothing at the same time, it's insane.

But two days later, Wooyoung finds himself sliding his blades across the ice with speed. The cool air from the rink enters his burning lungs, caresses his scalp and flushed face, yet it warms him up as he skates around the ice. He's alone this morning, it's barely nine after all, but he felt the need to clear his mind a little before he would start practicing for the day. Seonghwa wasn't appealed by the idea when they woke up at four, he asked if he would be alright, if his arms still hurt. They do hurt, yes, but it's not like he can stay in bed just because he slit them open in a moment of madness. Mingi decided to skip this morning, he went out to jog around the neighborhood instead, but Seonghwa is here, not on the ice, but by the sides of the rink, dark eyes watching him carefully.

"Did you think of a song?" The raven haired shouts from afar.

Wooyoung stops abruptly in the middle of the rink. He shakes his head at his coach and skates back towards him. He does have some on mind, but he doesn't think they are the ones just yet. His hands grip the cold metal edge when he reaches the man, and he rests his elbows by it as he looks up at Seonghwa. He seems to be in thoughts, trying to come up with a good song to match the routine. They usually opt for either dramatic songs or sad ones, songs that can easily represent him as he is even if the public knows not even half of his life and mental health. But he's most comfortable with owning the dark concepts for his routines, they embrace him perfectly, they define him perfectly.

He tilts his head.

"I'm thinking of The Phantom of the Opera for the free skate program." Wooyoung sighs and straightens his back. "I kept on thinking of the choreography Yunho made for me, and I know he did talk to you about doing it for a much brighter song..." Seonghwa folds his arms across his chest. He looks a little taken aback by his chosen song, but it is something that resonates with Wooyoung in this very moment. "But we both know it will not happen, that brighter routine. It's just not me. I'm not comfortable doing it."