Spinning Out || w o o s a n ||

❄12❄

The cool breeze of an early spring whips Wooyoung's face fiercely. He gazes outside at the giant waves splashing the shore from the back of the hotel, forearms resting by the metal bar underneath, a cigarette being held by two fingers as he breathes out the smoke. He should quit smoking, but he finds himself doing it even more often than before. It's been a week since his conversation with Mingi by the lake. A week has passed, and he still has not found the courage to talk to San. Seven long days, so many of them in which he just contemplated his thoughts as if death had been approaching him.

He sighs.

He doesn't know what to tell him, nor does he know how to even start. But one thing he's sure of are his feelings. He's debated over and over again; he's spent nights awake due to his roaming thoughts, and in the end, he came to only one fucking conclusion. He never moved on; he never stopped loving San, and all he thought about for years was a big fat lie. He just managed to delude himself into thinking he moved on, and as hurtful as it is, he does fucking love that man. How could he ever stop loving him when even now, after so much time, San is still the same?

He's still the same selfless and kind boy he fell in love with almost ten years ago; his personality didn't change at all; he still has that smile he used to adore and dream of at night, and he's still his knight in shiny armour; only that, right now, some of the brightness in his eyes has disipated. And only Wooyoung is at fault for it, and it does hurt a bunch, knowing he managed to break such a human being enough to kill some of him.

The raven-haired sighs again as he brings the cigarette to his lips.

He really should stop smoking.

Yet, here he is, a week later, still contemplating his thoughts over and over again without doing something about it. He knows San is a patient man, but even such patience does lose itself in time, and he has a feeling his time is up. After all, they do share the same hotel for this little vacation organised by Seoyeon for her wedding. Wooyoung didn't really want to come to the woman's wedding, especially once he found out it would be held in Jeju. The thought of breaking his routine right now when his quad has been getting better and better, when his ankle was hurting more and more, and when his body has managed to master the choreography of the short program perfectly did not sit right with him. But Yeosang insisted, not with words but with his eyes, and once Seonghwa found out he wanted to ditch such an important event, he practically got thrown in the backseat of Jongho's car with a small suitcase with clothes for five days. He had no say in this whatsoever, and if he thinks about it now, Seoyeon would have been disappointed in him if he did not come, especially since she seemed so eager to see him here.

But it's nice, in a way, to be free of Seoul for once and to wake up at eleven with the sight of the sun up on the sky and waves splashing the shoreline right in front of him. And he can't help but take a deep breath of the salty air surrounding the hotel, because, for once in his life, this seems like fresh air.

"Are you done burning your lungs?" Yeosang's voice rings in his ears from inside the room.

It's weird sharing a room with him and Jongho, because it brings him back in time when they would be in high school, on school trips, only that Jongho was not part of the group at the time. San would take his spot, but right now, San is missing.

Wooyoung flicks the remaining ash over the railing and throws what's left of the cigarette in a small bin.

"I am starving." Jongho whines like a child the moment he steps out of the bathroom. Right, they woke up too late for breakfast, so now they are on their way to a restaurant Seoyeon recommended yesterday when they arrived.

Wooyoung wonders if she and her soon-to-be husband will join them, but he doubts it. She's a busy woman, especially now when her wedding is in three days, and Wooyoung has to admit, he is quite excited. He never really went to any wedding while growing up, and attending his childhood friend's one does stir something inside of him. He truly is happy for her and Minho; they both deserve to live a long and happy life together. But this feeling he feels for them contrasts deeply with what he feels about him and San. He's anxious, scared of what the future would hold if he gives that man the response he wants so much, and as much as he himself tries to ignore his own feelings, he fails.