Twisted Secret || Jeon Jungkook ✔

t w e n t y

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Tears sprang to Y/N's eyes and cascaded down her cheeks. "I had no idea."

Yoongi rounded the counter and pulled her into his arms. "Anaya didn't deserve this kind of loyalty, and I see in your eyes that you feel like you shouldn't love Jungkook. You're wrong. This is not your fault."

-_____

The whiskey wasn't helping Jungkook's pain in any way. He took another swallow of the dark amber liquid, wishing for something to stop the relentless ache inside him. Seconds after he'd promised himself that he wouldn't tell her the truth, he'd already spilled it all out. Pressing the glass to his forehead, he stared at the television screen. The movie playing was steaming up, but he wasn't interested in the mechanical coupling on screen.

He'd long grown out of watching porn. Jungkook preferred the real thing, and seeing people pretend did nothing for him. He tossed the remote on the table, not caring as the batteries spilled out of the back of the device.

Rubbing his temples, he walked toward the kitchen. The headache throbbed, making it hard for him to focus. He opened the cupboard where he kept the first aid kit, swallowed two pills, and poured the rest of the alcohol down the sink. He didn't want to die and probably shouldn't have taken the pills.

Jungkook filled his glass with water and padded his way to his bedroom. On the bed lay the photo album Anaya had created, a painful reminder he hadn't thrown away. Inside, Anaya's smile stared back at him.

"Why did you do it?" he asked, his voice raw with regret.

When she'd seen the picture in his wallet, he hadn't felt guilty. In fact, he felt a twisted relief that she finally knew about his true feelings. Then Y/N came into their home, and the guilt turned to fear. He couldn't tell her not to go shopping with Anaya. If only he'd told Y/N to go home while he dealt with Anaya, maybe none of this would have happened. Anaya had tried to kill her friend!

What were Anaya's thoughts as she swerved off the road? None of his questions would get answered.

"I'd never love you, Anaya. I cared about you, but I couldn't love you. If you'd killed Y/N, I'd have hated you and done everything in my power to make your life hell." He knelt beside the bed, wishing for clarity.

For months, he'd tried to find a way out of his relationship with Anaya, all while trying to stay close to Y/N. Nothing worked, so he stayed in the relationship, having sex with Anaya while imagining Y/N underneath him.

Running his fingers through his hair, he let out a breath. "What the hell am I going to do?"

The photo album, now closed and pushed away, seemed to mock him with Anaya's smiling face. The book offended him, and seeing her smile filled him with anger.

He collapsed onto the bed, staring at the ceiling. Y/N's scent lingered, and he closed his eyes, remembering the feel of her.

Reaching for the pillow she'd slept on, he buried his head in the soft material. He'd made love to her throughout the night, never able to take his hands off her. Even with his intense need to possess her, she still managed to pull away without him realizing it. He always slept heavily.

He closed his eyes, recalling the sweet sighs on her lips as he'd tasted her, the way she tightened around him as he moved inside her. He'd taken her three times that night without a condom. The chance of her getting pregnant was high, yet there was no chance of getting her pregnant.

The very thought filled him with regret. Y/N would look amazing swollen with his child.

Jungkook closed his eyes, wishing for something to finally go right in his life when it came to his woman.

Sleep claimed him, and the following morning he woke up with the worst kind of headache. He took another couple of pills and made his way out of his apartment toward Y/N's. Jungkook needed to see her.

On the way to her place, he stopped by the graveyard to see Anaya's resting place. Sitting on the bench like Y/N had done the day before, he stared at the stone, feeling the guilt start to claw its way back inside him.

Rubbing at his eyes, he leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees.

"Everything always seems worse than it is," an elderly woman said, taking a seat beside him.

He looked up as she took a seat next to him. She lowered herself beside him and rested her trolley-style bag beside her. "My husband is resting over there. I've seen you and your lady friend coming here often to see this girl. She must have been a special kind of girl to have a constant visit." 

Jungkook didn't know what to say as the woman settled beside him. She let out a sigh.

"You look like you carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. That's not the way to be," she said. "Life's too short to worry about strange little things."

She kept talking, and Jungkook simply sat, listening to her.

"Well, are you going to tell me what's troubling you?" she asked.

"It's nothing."

"Sweetheart, you're precious. No one sits in a graveyard when they've got a fine-looking woman. I saw your woman."

He let out a sigh. There was no way to get this woman to leave him alone. He decided to settle on the truth.

"I fell in love with my girlfriend's best friend. When she found out the truth of my feelings—I didn't cheat—she was going to kill her. Only, the accident she caused killed herself instead."

"Nasty business, jealousy. I've never been one to like it myself." She scrunched her face and shook her head. "So, the girl you keep coming to see is also the woman who tried to kill the woman you love? Wow, she's getting way more attention than she deserves."

Jungkook started chuckling. He couldn't help himself. The woman beside him made sense.

"Your feelings of guilt are understandable. You fell in love with a woman but continued to deceive your girlfriend."

"I told Y/N the truth yesterday. She didn't know what happened on the day of the accident. I told her everything."

"Then I don't see what the problem is. Guilt will eat away your soul, son. This guilt has got to stop. She's gone, and whatever happened isn't going to repair itself. At least you and Y/N are still alive." The older woman sighed. "I'd trade anything to have my husband back. He was my other half, my heart and soul. We had the most amazing life together. We were lucky. We met when we were young and didn't stop there." She smiled. "We were married within three weeks of meeting, and then the rest of our lives were our own. His dying hurt. We had all our lives together, and you know what it taught me?" she asked.

"What?"

"Life, no matter how long we have on this little round ball, is too short to let guilt take over. You're free, son, and so is your girl. The business that went on is nasty, but you're alive. Don't waste a moment just because you feel guilty about your feelings." She patted his knee. "Think about that while you're wasting the minutes or hours staring at her grave." She stood, ready to leave. "Ask yourself something, son. If it had been Y/N here, would Anaya be sitting beside you, or would she be in a prison cell for what she did?"

Her words rang in Jungkook's head as he stared at the inscription on Anaya's grave. It was time for him to move on, not only from Anaya but also from the guilt. He hadn't cheated or even flirted with Y/N while he was with Anaya.

Being guilty for the woman he craved no longer mattered.

He stood up and said a final goodbye to Anaya.