Still Breathing

Chapter 31: Heartbeats

Bucky Pov

3 months later June 2023

I walk Julie to her door and say, "Good night." I move to kiss her on the cheek, she moves, and I end up kissing her on the lips. she places her hands on my face gently and continues to gently kiss me. I place my hands on her arms, and I kiss her back with my eyes closed tight.

After a minute she release me and ask, "You wanna come in? I have coffee, tea, hot cocoa..." she laughs but she sounds nervous. Weve only just decided to be exclusive. If I say yes to coming in, that means I'm saying yes to other things, I don't know if I'm ready for yet.

I smile at her, and I say "Yea." I watch as she unlocks the door, and I follow her inside. this is the first time I've been inside her house, and I'm taken aback by how cozy and neat it is. Not at all like Marley's apartment. Pops of color everywhere and there were always a clutter of books of yarn or sketchbooks lying around. it's like Julie chose 2 colors and stuck to that.

I mentally shake myself. I'm still comparing her to everyone, and I need to stop. I watch as Julie light a few candles and then disappear to the back. she yells, "The babies are with my friend for the night so we can have some privacy."

I look at the books and pictures on her shelf and I say, "sounds good."

She comes back out with 2 glasses of wine and hands one to me. she looks at the picture I'm looking at and giggles. "oh my god. That was like, so long ago."

I smile and say, "college?"

"yea. I went to NYU. You?"

"Yale."

"Wow. I'm a little intimidated." she huffs out a laugh and I take her hand and try to comfort her.

I walk her over to the couch to sit and I set the glass down. I guess she forgot, I'm trying to cut back on the alcohol. There is a long, weird silence before she giggles and asks, "do you have any plans this summer?"

I frown a little and say, "not really. My father has been sick, so I've been busy taking over most of the responsibilities at the company."

"Oh no. I hope he's alright."

I chuckle and say under my breath, "you're the only one."

She says, "excuse me?"

I say "nothing. Uh I should get going." I move to stand but she stops me.

"No. please stay." She scoots closer to me, and I get a little nervous. I laugh a little bit at myself. I remember a time; it would've been nothing to sleep with her on this couch and be out of here before the sun came up. now, I can barely kiss a girl.

She grabs my face and guides me down to her and she says, "relax." She presses her lips to mine, and I really try to feel something. anything.

She moves into my lap and straddles me. I place my hands at her waist as she grinds on me. her hands are in my hair, and she pulls until my head is touching the back of the couch. She shoves her tongue in my mouth and then all of a sudden, she stops. She sits up straight while still sitting on me and just stares at me. I don't lift my head. I continue to rest it on the back of the couch. "What's wrong?"

I sigh and say, "nothing."

"no. I can feel it. tell me. is it me?"

I lift my head and say, "No it's not you. it's me. it's just been a while." I caress her thighs.