APRICATE ; p.sunghoon

✤ | 18 - to reveal one's own impurities

SUNGHOON'S POV

a week had passed after my last (failed) date with aera at the mall, which meant that there was a total amount of three days before our wedding would take place, that is, if aera didn't suddenly change her mind and decide to run away, something i probably wouldn't blame her for if it happened.

and we hadn't talked once again after i had dropped her home that day. truth be told, i was glad that she was willing to understand me and give me space. but on the other hand, i was also hoping that she would call me.

since i was never someone who initiated something like communication, it was hard for me to reach out to her as i had never done it, or should i say, needed to do it before.

but what aera did for me made me forget it all. she had stayed, she had stayed with me through one of my episodes of experiencing anger issues, something that my own parents were hesitant about. when i expected her to turn away from me, she held me close instead.

and if she could take such a step for someone like me and devote her trust completely to me, then why can i not reach out to her?

all this time, i didn't let myself loose because nobody was willing to hold me tight. but this time, even before i let myself fall, aera was right there, ready to catch me.

all these feelings pushed me into a pit of guilt and vulnerability, something i had felt for the first time in my life.

and once i realized that i could no longer suppress them like i had been doing all these years, my hands automatically found her contact on my phone as i pressed on the 'call' button.

two rings passed before the person on the other end picked up the call.

"hello, sung-" she greeted me before i cut her off.

"aera, can we... can we talk, please?" i was sure that my voice was now starting to sound desperate but after all, at this point, i just didn't care.

"are you ready, sunghoon?" aera asked me back. "i did tell you that you can say whatever you want about your past, but only if you're-" i cut her off again, a pang of vulnerability lacing my nerves.

"i... i want to tell you, aera. can we meet at the café closest to the company building, please?"

"yes, sure. i'll be there within twenty minutes." she hung up the call before i leaned my head back in the office chair, my mind a complete mess.

half an hour later, me and my fiancée were now sitting around a corner table, our seats opposite of each other.

i looked at her, "aera, nari was my girlfriend of almost three years. she was a year younger than me and i had met her in a bar. she was my first everything, aera. she... she was the first person who made me feel that i was not the monster everyone painted me out to be, that i was worth receiving emotions. that i was a human too, just like everyone else. we stayed with each other through thick and thin. whenever i felt insecure, she would leave everything to come wherever i was and hug me; and whenever she felt sad, i would sneak in through the window of her parents' house to be there for her. i still remember the several times she would ditch her class just to meet me or i would run in the rain to go visit her. we... we were that close of a pair."

aera stared at me intently, as if calculating whatever i was about to say. "then... what happened?"

"it was my birthday party. sounds pretty weird since i don't really like celebrating my birthday. but he was a friend i had newly made and when he told me that he was going to throw me a celebration party for my birthday and that he had already invited few people, i couldn't really tell him 'no', afraid that he might get offended, or worse, hurt. so i agreed. but on the day of the party, at morning, my dad had told me to come to the company for some important activities since he was going to step down pretty soon and i would be taking his position. i knew how important that was, both to me and the company, so i called and explained it to him. he was surprisingly pretty chill about it, which initially, i was very grateful for. but then somehow the work finished quite earlier, at a time when the party, according to schedule, would have started only an hour ago." i sighed before continuing. "so i decided to surprise him. but instead, i was the one who got surprised."

aera raised an eyebrow at my vague conclusion, urging me to complete the full story. "how?"

"i knew his house address as he had given it to me a few days ago before the party was held, when i was still supposed to attend the celebration. his parties were pretty loud, and so small actions like footsteps or opening of a door can usually never be heard over the loud music and people talking. i looked for him everywhere on the ground floor, since he usually spent his time in the living room sitting and playing around with any girl that was willing to do so. but much to my confusion and dismay, i wasn't able to find him. and therefore, i went upto his room, worried whether he was okay or if he needed any help, but just as i was about to open the door, my girlfriend's voice met my ears. to say that i was utterly confused would have been an understatement for she had made it very clear to me some minutes ago, on call, that she won't be able to attend due to uni causing her physical and mental stress. and then i heard two familiar voices;

"what if sunghoon finds out about this?"my friend asked.

"i just don't care anymore, you do know that you're the one i truly love and want, right?" nari replied.

"i do. but he's a good friend of mine, and i don't want him to find out this way-" he was cut off.

"for fuck's sake! you know that i've been with him all this time for his money and nothing else. hell, he's so boring! even pretending to love him is hard." nari said. nari said that. about me.

my eyes got stuck to the two people who were laying together on the bed once i opened the door. my friend and my girlfriend of three damn years. after that, she did try to manipulate me saying that she was drunk and he wanted to take advantage of her, but i wasn't that dumb now, was i? i broke up with her and then everything returned back to the same old feeling. because, at the end, she left too." i finished, my voice barely making it out before i could feel something wet prickling at the corner of my eyes.

× author's note: hihi loves !! here's the detailed backstory of sunghoon and nari's relationship :)

vote if you enjoyed reading and consider commenting too, it's more than appreciated if you do so :3

with lots of love, reen <3