Flowers stained with crimson blood [Kim x Macau]

chapter 7

"I wanna see you again"

Those words left Macau's mouth , he wanted to see his brother again , he was in the bathroom , again , facing a cutter on his hand

His hand trembling , not the fact it was hurting but the blood dripping off his arm was making scared

Blood covered his left arm , it stings as well as it burns

He took a bunch of tissues and tap it lightly on his arm , so much blood

He also rubbed it on the floor which had blood on it , he put them in the dustbin and covered his arm with a new bandage

It's getting bad

He wishes he had the courage to talk to someone or even get a therapist but he just can't , the world terrifies him , making him scared of it

And forcing him won't be any help either , for the moment he lay low

He took off his shirt , it was bloody and needed to change it , he saw himself in the mirror

Disgusting

He can't see his body the same as before , it hurts

There was marks , long marks on his back and chest , it was made when he was raped , he was taken advantage of , he wish it was just a nightmare but it wasn't , it was the reality

It was strange be be in a house by himself

He put on a new shirt , he could go walk around since he has nothing to do , he put on a jacket since it was a little chilly , he locked the door and went on ahead

Getting a coffee would be great as well , he ordered and took a seat inside the cafe , just looking at his phone

He decided to text raphael , it was a Tuesday , he doesn't know if he was awake

By calculating the hours , he guessed Raphael must be sleeping , since it was 11 hours differences

It must be 01:17 am since it was 09:17 am in Thailand and Macau just put his phone down , letting out a sigh , his friend doesn't know anything about him , about the self harming , nothing , he just know Macau is a great friend

Nothing much more than that

He got his coffee and sip it quietly , he wondered what he could do except drinking coffee and lay on bed lazily everyday

Wanting to do things and not have any motivations is the worse

It's boring , as always

He doesn't have anything to do except thinking about Vegas and Pete , wishing it was him who got shot instead

Wishing it was shim who hang himself instead of Pete

Wishing he died instead his father

He was alone

All alone

No one stand by him or was by his side

After all , trying to seek help disturb him because what if that someone starts mocking him or makes fun of him?

Trying not to seek help is even worse but it's better to keep it inside instead of wanting to hold another's hand for help

His days goes the same , woke up , shower , self harming , go out a little and back home in his bed , looking at his phone , not eating much and just sleep

He stood up and walked away from the shop , his hands in his pocket , he was tired

Tired of everything

He kept walking but got choked by his shirt when he got pulled by his collar from behind , he started coughing and looked up,  wondered who's the dumbass that wants to choke him in public

He furrowed his eyebrows when he noticed Kim

"Are you following me? You tried to choke me"

"Choking you is better than getting hit by cars because are you blind? Did you not noticed the red light?"

Macau looked up and saw the light was red , the road full of cars riding both eight and left , he made an 'oh' with his mouth which he knew he could have really get hit , 50% he would've died and the other 50% is he would've get hit and suffer in pain which he is already is

Macau snapped out of his thoughts when he heard Kim cleared his throat , feeling awkward , he replied to him

"Thanks"

He muttered but Kim arise another question

"You live around here? I don't think I remember seeing you being in this area but now I'm seeing you"

"What does it have to do with you?"

"Just asking , not threatening"

Macau realised he was actually being someone who was arrogant , he always was like this but he soften after seeing Kim's face

"I just moved around so Kinn won't bother my ass"

He heard a soft chuckle coming from him , shock as he was , Kim opened his mouth to talk

"Not surprised , my condolences to you but if you think Kinn would give up , don't be so sure of yourself cause he won't"

Macau rolled his eyes

"Yeah , he won't , why don't you convinced him to leave me alone? At least for a while"

Kim raised an eyebrow and smirk , Macau knew this was a bad thing

"Was this a favour you're asking?"

"In your fucking dreams Kim"

Macau crossed his arms but Kim took a step back and left him , Macau went home without saying anything else

He lean his back to the door after he closed it

It's..nice to talk to someone

He have forgotten the nice feeling of wanting to talk to someone and liking them

He wish Vegas was here so he could bragged about how he talked to Kim but he would've get scolded for that for sure