Wholly Apart

Chapter 8

MADELYN CAMPBELL

Warren came sneaking into the guest room at some point when I was half asleep, but still awake enough to realise that. I startled awake completely, sitting upright in the bed and blinking the sleep away.

"What's wrong?" I asked sleepily.

He closed the door quietly, and then came to sit on the edge of the bed.

"Lo is here"

Lo is here.

Three words that made my whole body hot and aware. He was in this apartment?

"Here?"

"In my room," he added, noticing that I needed more information.

Lo was in Warren's room. Why was Lo in Warren's room? Why was he even in his apartment so late?

Was something wrong?

Had something happened?

"Is he okay?" I asked, my heart pounding in my chest.

I don't care about Lo.

I tried to repeat the sentence in my head, but it didn't work. Because as often as I'd repeated that sentence with my therapist, it was now gone.

I cared about Lo. I cared if something had happened. I cared if he didn't feel good.

"Yes," Warren nodded, "He's okay now. He just—"

He ran a hand through his hair, ruffling it and letting out a long sigh.

"He just what?" I frowned, needing to know if something was wrong with him.

Because if something was wrong, I needed to see him.

I will not see Lo.

I would see Lo if something was wrong. If he needed me. I would. In a heartbeat.

"He wanted to drink," Warren admitted, "And he needed me to tell him why he shouldn't"

My heart didn't stop pounding. If anything, it was pounding even harder in my chest.

Lo wanted to drink? Was it still hard for him? Was he still struggling?

I didn't know any of that. I didn't know much about him anymore. Not what he was doing, who he was with, what he did during the day. Whether he was sleeping well, whether he had contact with his father or not.

I wanted to know all these things. But I couldn't.

I bit down on my lip to stop from asking all these questions. I shouldn't ask.

"Can you stay here tonight?" I wondered because I was scared that I'd go over to Lo subconsciously. That my body would rebel against the things I was doing in therapy just to get into his arms again.

He nodded, "Yeah"

I was shaking slightly with restraint because I was so scared that I was going to break all these rules.

"Do you not want to be around him?"

That was some kind of trick question, because I did. Of course I wanted to be around him.

But it made everything worse.

"I don't know," I whispered, laying back down.

I should have said no. I should have said I didn't want to be.

Because that's what my therapist told me to do. And I should listen to that.

I felt the bed dip and Warren lay down beside me, not touching me. There was probably a whole arm's length between us. But it didn't matter to me because at least I wasn't alone.