Wholly Apart

Chapter 32

LOREN KENSINGTON

Warren came over in the afternoon when Madelyn was in our bedroom, sleeping. It wasn't too late yet, but she had been exhausted, so there she was. And I had to finish just a little bit of work for university so I wasn't with her yet.

But I would go over the second I was done and cuddle her. Fuck her too.

I let Warren in and closed the door, nodding towards our bedroom door, "Mads is sleeping"

He nodded, "I won't stay long"

As much as I loved Warren, I wanted to be with Madelyn now.

He sat down at our kitchen island and let out a small sigh.

"Is she sleeping already because you had too much sex?"

I didn't like the look he gave me. Didn't like the way he stared at me like he was judging me, like he thought what I was doing was utterly wrong.

When I wasn't doing anything wrong.

Yes, we had lots of sex. But she was doing better. And I never went that far with her. The second she looked like she was too tired, I stopped I always asked if she could handle more.

I had not pushed it as far as last time. I wouldn't.

Because I felt terrible.

"No," I told him, "She's just tired"

"How often did you fuck her today?" He asked.

I gave him a hard glare, not wanting to answer that. Because I knew Warren would have things to say about it.

Whatever I said to that.

"I'm not telling you"

He raised a brow at me, "So a lot"

I let out a frustrated breath, because it hadn't been that much.

"Not too much," I told him and he looked at me, waiting for me to tell him a fucking number.

I didn't want to.

But if that's what it took for him to get off my back, then I would.

I'd fucked her twice in our bed when we'd woken up. And then one time against our front door before we'd left for university because she'd been too fucking beautiful, all smiley and teasing.

Then once during lunch break in the bathroom. Once in our car on the way back home.

And then two more times tonight.

Alright, that was quite a lot.

But she hadn't seemed in pain at all. She said she was alright.

And that was normal. We always fucked so often.

I held his stare, "Seven times"

His eyes went slightly wide, and he asked incredulously, "Seven times?"

Yes.

I didn't have to tell him for him to know that I was serious.

"Jesus fuck, Lo," he frowned, "Seven times in one day?"

Well sex distracted me. And I was an alcoholic, so thinking of drinking happened a lot.

And being buried balls deep inside Madelyn definitely helped against that.

It made those thoughts go away and then all I could concentrate on was Madelyn. Thoroughly.

"It's not too much," I told him.

He scoffed at me, "Not too much? Lo she's sleeping at seven pm because you've fucked her too much"

I loved Warren. Really.

But when he got this involved with our life, it really fucking frustrated me.

I didn't want to hear him say this shit when he didn't know how it was between us.

I could judge if it was too much. If it hurt her.

And I would never push past that point again. Never again.

It had been one moment where I'd been too lost in the thoughts of alcohol and I'd lost control. But I would never do that again.

"She's not sleeping because of that," I argued.

"Lo—"

"Warren, seriously," I interrupted, "I'm careful. I'm so fucking careful and I would never go that far with her again. I lost control one time and it will never happen again"

It really wouldn't.

He ran a hand over his face in frustration, "She doesn't tell you that she's hurting, you know?"

"What?"

She was hurting?

"She's scared you'll drink," he told me like he didn't understand how I hadn't thought of this, "So she doesn't tell you no"

She wouldn't do that.

She wouldn't not tell me if she didn't want to fuck because she was scared I'd drink. She really wouldn't.

Right?

"She'd tell me no if she doesn't want to," I argued with him, because he was wrong.

"She really wouldn't," he told me, "She told me this"

She had told him that she doesn't want to tell me no?

That she was hurting when we had sex?

I didn't even know what to say to that.

"What else did she say?" I brought out, rubbing my hand through my hair.

Jesus, this was bad.

If she was really going along with sex not because she wanted to, but because she was scared that I'd go and drink if she said no to me.

"That it hurts her when you fuck so much"

That was the last thing I wanted to do ever. I never wanted to hurt her.

That would kill me, knowing that she was even uncomfortable and didn't tell me about it.

I didn't know what to do. Didn't know what to say to that.

"I'm tired," I brought out, pushing away, "You should go"

"You're upset"

No shit.

"I'm not a child, Warren. I'm not upset, I'm fucking tired," I lied.

And then I walked away from him, not wanting to talk right now. I needed to work off this thing inside of me. And how I would normally do this, was going to Madelyn and fucking her until I couldn't breathe or think anymore.

But I wasn't going to do that. Couldn't do it.

So I was going to go to the gym and work it off there.

Thankfully, Warren left and I headed right to the gym, working out until it closed. Until I was so sweaty and exhausted.

Call me if you need anything ~ Warren

Or if you just want to talk ~ Warren

It meant that he was scared I'd drink too. I hated that they both thought that. That the two people closest to me thought I'd drink when I was upset.

I'm not going to drink ~ Lo

Just a minute later, he texted me again.

I didn't mean to make you feel bad. I just wanted to let you know what she told me so you don't push her too much. She's in recovery too ~ Warren

I knew he didn't mean to make me feel bad. He never did.

I went home and I collapsed on the sofa, scared that I'd go and fuck her in the night.

I wouldn't do this. Not if it hurt her.

I couldn't do it.