One in the Same

Ch 6: Blake/Danielle

I was exhausted. I had busted my ass at work the last couple of weeks, today especially with new accounts, numbers being crossed incorrectly. The building would fall if they didn't have me quadruple checking work. Unfortunately, with all the revising, it caused me to be late coming home. And one day Anna was having one of her moods. I tried my best to stay as long as I could, but my brain wouldn't let me slow down. My brother and I stayed, but I had shooed him off at 5;30. I was out by 6:30 tonight, I had just arrived at home. And I had a dinner party to go to tonight for my father.

I was wearing thin. I sat in my car letting it idle as my eyes stared off into the concrete wall. My memories from yesterday played over in my head. Consistent on repeat even when I was at work. So much, it was bound for me to take an extra bathroom break, to jerk off to the memory.

My dick jumped in my slacks as I breathed out a sigh. As much as I loved being around Danielle last night, her skin on mine, her lips on mine, her hands intertwined with mine. Our hips moving in sync with each of my thirsts that I gave her. And fuck, the way her voice made moans, said my name... After we had fucked the first time, we indeed of course, going one more time before finally untangling our bodies from one another.

After closing the door to Jake's apartment she sent a message to Jake letting him know she was leaving for the night and locked up. As I watched her drive away to her mothers, a part of me wanted to immediately hop into the car with her. But I can't do that to her. I can't wreck her life more than what she told me it was. We were both damaged. Both vulnerable, her and I looked for someone, and something to ease that pain. And call me an asshole for it; I wanted her more this morning.

My brain was wracked and tangled from the battle of what to do. I was going to leave. But I kept telling myself that over the course of this relationship. Ever since the first night she struck me across the face, I told myself that I was going to leave. I was packing, moving on, cutting her off from me. Yet...

I was tired of everything. I was beyond my limit. My brother finally knew what was going on, and said to give him a couple weeks to get some things figured out. Potentially, I tried on more than one occasion to get more from him, but he wasn't budging from me.

My eyes were barely open on the way home, I'm not even sure how I made it without running someone over. My legs carried me the best of their ability to the door of my apartment, and my breathing hitched. The tension is settling in. The anxiety started boiling inside my stomach. My heart starts breathing harder in my chest, and my hands get clammy.

This happened every time I came home. I never knew what I was going to be walking into. Some days were better than others. Some were just.. Too hard to even comprehend. So drown it out with weed and alcohol when I get the chance to sneak in a white lie to her. And by her I mean the woman I apparently was supposed to love.

I did love her. I love her with every part of my body, mind and soul. She was a first for a lot of things for me, as herself included... It's just... one sided at this point. I don't even think this was going to last as long as it did. For the last five years of my life they have been nothing but her, and work. I didn't talk to anyone else.

I had my brother of course, but I hardly saw my family as it was. She wasn't fond of my family, other than my brother. My father tolerated her when she would come around for family events. Even if I had to beg her to go with me. She never liked me begging, she thought it made me look like a little bitch. If I begged too much, I was struck. If I didn't beg enough, I was struck. It didn't make sense to me. So I just did what I was told, and didn't talk back. Lately, I have been doing a lot of talking back.

But some days she preferred it so I didn't know what she really wanted anymore. I was always left confused and over thinking my words and the outcome of situations.