after season seven

Chapter 21: Eddie

Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit. I am such a fucking idiot. I had the perfect opportunity to tell Buck how I feel and I just ruined it like I always do. All my mind could think about was Buck's lips and how much I wanted to kiss them.

I know I told Buck I was going to bed but I can't possibly fall asleep when my mind is racing like this. I don't want to leave Chris home alone at night so I decide to call Hen instead.

She picks up before my phone has even had the chance to ring. "Eddie! How did it go! Karen's here too by the way."

"It didn't."

There's silence on the other end of the line before I hear Karen's voice. "Well, are you going to elaborate?"

"Right, um... he didn't reject me. I just didn't tell him anything."

"Eddie." They simultaneously complain.

"I'm sorry, okay? This is all new to me. I just don't know how to bring it up to him."

"Maybe that's the problem!" Hen exclaims.

"What is?"

"You are very good with words, Eddie. Maybe it will be easier for you to show Buck how you feel through your actions."

"You're telling me I should just kiss him?"

"Yeah! That's perfect!"

"It feels wrong to just kiss him without his permission though."

"Eddie, I know you didn't know Buck 1.0 very well, but trust me, Buck will be perfectly fine with you kissing him."

"Are you sure?"

"Of course! Just don't do anything while you're at the firehouse."

"Yeah, okay. Maybe I'll invite him to dinner on our break instead of eating with you guys like usual."

"Good luck! See you tomorrow!"

"Bye, Eddie!" Karen yells in the background.

"Bye, guys. Thank you for everything."
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It's just my luck that the first person I see when I walk into the firehouse is Buck.

Thankfully, he's working out so I don't have to face him yet. Instead, I head over to the lockers to put away my bag and get into uniform.

As I close my locker, I hear footsteps approach behind me and Hen enters the room. "Hey." She says with a wink.

I sigh before shaking my head. "I don't know how to just bring up dinner to him."

"I can't be doing everything for you, Eddie! You'll figure it out. Now go! Talk to him!" She loudly whispers.

"Okay, okay, I'm going."

My heart beats a mile a minute in my chest as I walk up to Buck. He looks up at me when he sees my shadow towering over him.

"I didn't know you got here." He says as he sets the weights down.

"Yeah, I uh, just got here a few minutes ago." I shuffle my feet.

"Are you good?"

"Yeah, I just have a question for you."

"Okay..."

My mind scrambles as I quickly think of an excuse for me and Buck to eat away from the rest of the 118 tonight. Why didn't I think about this!

"Maybe we could eat out on our break tonight?" I sheepishly look away from him. "I just feel like we haven't had a chance to hang out lately."

"I mean, sure. I was just at your house yesterday though." He chuckles.

Fuck. "Yeah, I know. I just thought it would be nice."

"Sounds good." Buck smiles before he leans down to pick up his weight and start exercising again.

I should be working out as well but I can't stand to be in the same room as him any longer so I quickly shuffle out of the room and up to the kitchen.

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"I need a good meal after that call." Chim yells as he jogs up to the kitchen of the firehouse.

We had a very busy afternoon filled with calls which helped keep my mind off of Buck.

"Are you ready to go?" I ask him.

"Yup."

We start to leave when we hear Bobby's voice behind us. "Where are you two going? I made dinner earlier!"

I turn around but before I have the chance to respond Hen does. "Oh, don't worry about them."

Hen continues to quietly whisper into Bobby's ear so I usher Buck out of the firehouse to make sure he doesn't hear anything.

"My car or yours?" He asks.

"Yours is good." I don't think I could concentrate on driving with Buck sitting right next to me. I try to calm my breathing as we walk over to his car when Buck speaks again.

"Where are we going exactly?" He looks over at me with a smug smile on his face.

"You can pick."

"Oh, come on! You're the one that invited me out. You have to pick."

I start to panic. I fidget with my hands and glance back at the firehouse. We are out of sight from the rest of the 118 and it's dark enough out that no one can see us. Before I can think about what I'm doing, I grab Buck's forearm and he comes to a halt.

He looks over at me and stares into my eyes. "What are you-"

I don't let him finish his sentence. I don't even take the time to make sure that he's okay with me kissing him. I just grab his face and plant my lips on his softer ones. I am instantly filled with relief and confidence as I feel the firm kiss of Buck's lips against my own. It feels like the final piece of my life has fit into place and I am finally complete. I never knew a simple brush of the lips could be so blissful. I never want this moment to end.

The fact that I'm kissing a man for the very first time doesn't even occur to me. I am simply kissing Buck. The person I have been unknowingly in love with for years that just happens to be a man.

Buck hasn't pulled away yet so I gain the confidence to press my tongue against his lips when he suddenly jerks away from me.

He stares at me in silence with his mouth hanging slightly open. I don't know what to say to him. I don't think he knows what to say to me either.