after season seven

Chapter 23: Eddie

There's a part of me that knows I went about the entire situation with Buck horribly. But the other, much larger, part of me just needed to escape and get away.

Deep down I knew it was selfish to just kiss Buck but I did it anyway and now I have to live with the consequences.

The feeling of Buck pulling away from my kiss will forever be engraved in my mind. If only I was brave enough to admit my feelings instead of running away like a coward and claiming it was a mistake. As if kissing Evan Buckley could ever be a mistake.

Thankfully, Christopher is having a sleepover at one of his friend's houses tonight so I don't have to worry about him as I speed through the streets of LA. Originally, I wasn't comfortable with Chris sleeping away from home so soon but I'm grateful I changed my mind now.

There is only one thing that can completely take my mind off of Buck tonight. You guessed it, alcohol. All I need right now is to flood my system with alcohol and everything will be okay again.

I head to my local bar on instinct, but quickly realize they are closed today. I stay in the driver's seat of my car, looking forward to the bar and just contemplate my life again.

Thoughts of my childhood and family bring me back to reality after a few minutes deep in thought. I look at the clock on the dashboard and see 45 minutes have already passed.

"Fuck it." I mutter before driving out of the parking lot and driving towards downtown LA to find another bar to go to.

Soon enough, I drove past a small bar that would be perfect for what I need right now. Peace to just let go and drink the night away. I jump out of my car after parking and walk towards the bar.

That is the moment my heart stops.

Through the window of the bar, I see Buck sitting and laughing with another guy at the bar counter. At first, I considered the fact that it could just be some random guy who approached Buck at the bar. My hopes quickly faded as the man turned towards Buck and I could see his side profile.

It takes me a moment to recognize who this man is but then I can place a name to the face. TK Strand. The firefighter Buck befriended while we were in Texas for the wildfire.

Despite this revelation, I have no anger in my heart for Buck. It's not like he knew I was going to kiss him and he may have had something going on with this guy for a while now. Why didn't he tell me about him? Isn't he the one that said we don't keep secrets from each other?

Instead of anger, I am left with the feeling of vomit rising up my throat. I sprint over to the nearest trash can and dry heave for what feels like forever. I never did get the chance to eat or drink anything tonight.

I wipe my mouth on my shirt sleeve before glancing back at Buck and TK one last time as they laugh together. The only thing left for me to do is sulk back to my car and get back on the road again. I consider going to another bar but ultimately decide it's better to just head straight home. I've been missing a lot of work lately so I guess it'll be good for me.

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I'm not exactly sure what happens next.

One second I'm pulling down the sun visor in my car to glance at the picture I taped up there all those years ago. It is of me, Christopher, and Buck right after Chris went up to see Santa all by himself.

And the next second, I hear a car horn go off in the distance before the world fades away into darkness.