after season seven

Chapter 15: Eddie

Buck and I both left the station after a few hours because there isn't really much of a reason to stay anyways. I asked him if he wanted to go out to eat or anything but he decided it was best if he went straight home to relax.

I never enjoy going home after work to an empty house without Christopher so I stop by a bar to get a few beers. I know I shouldn't be drinking too much because I have another shift tomorrow but one drink can't hurt.

My usual bar is closed for the night so I wander down the streets of LA until I come across another bar. It doesn't take very long because this is LA but that's besides the point.

I walk in and head straight to the bar without taking in the rest of the bar. "Yo, can I get a beer please?" I ask the bartender.

"What kind?"

"Any is fine."

When the bartender leaves I take the time to look at my surroundings. It didn't take long for me to realize that there's only men in this bar. What the fuck?

The bartender comes back with my beer and I quickly pay him before walking around to take in all of the decorations as well. Pride flags litter the walls along with neon signs and posters promoting gay pride.

I am in a gay bar. Edmundo Diaz is in a gay bar. What the fuck is my life. I try to quickly chug my beer so I can return the glass and get out of here when a man approaches me.

"Rough night?" He asks.

I glance over at him but don't stop chugging my beer.

"Damn! I'm Ryan by the way."

I finish the beer and set it down. I want to get out of here as soon as possible but I don't want to be rude to the guy. "Eddie."

"So? What's got you drinking like that?"

I think for a few moments before gaining the courage to respond. "Just had a long day. Actually, I should be going-"

"Already? I'll buy you a few drinks if you stay." He smirks.

"Sorry, man. My limit is one tonight. Maybe I'll see you around." And with that, I speed walk out of the bar as quickly as I can and don't breathe until I'm back on the streets of LA.

While it was a shock that I was in a gay bar, I didn't feel as uncomfortable as I thought I would. Growing up in a Catholic household, I was always taught that being gay was a sin. As I grew up and developed my own opinions, I've realized that there actually isn't anything wrong with being queer. We are all just human beings that should be treated the same. Nonetheless, I never expected to feel so at home in a gay bar. It's almost like I belonged there, even if I wasn't supposed to be there in the first place.

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I keep thinking about the way I felt as I make my way home and I just can't get over the high I felt. I don't want to admit it to myself but is there a chance I'm queer?

Right after I walk through my front door, I rush over to my laptop and search for a gay test. After a few minutes of debating whether or not I should take it, I slam the laptop shut. I am a 32 year old man. If I was gay, I definitely would have known by now or there would at least be signs of it. I've never had an issue about being with women before. I mean, I love women.

This whole thing was just a misunderstanding that was caused by me walking into a gay bar. I'm sure any straight person would have had the same reaction.

I try to distract myself by putting on the show I'm currently watching, but my eyes keep drifting over to my laptop. Why can't I get this out of my head!

After long minutes of debate in my mind, I pick up my laptop to just take it. It will tell me I'm straight anyway so it doesn't matter if I take it or not.

I breeze through the first couple of questions but find myself stuck on one particular question.

Have you ever had feelings for a same-gender friend?

My mind goes straight to Buck. Do I see him as more than a friend? We have always had a much stronger bond than the ones I've had with my girlfriends but that's normal for best friends, right?

I settled on maybe because I don't want to dive deep into that tonight. I'm just focusing on figuring myself out and proving that I am heterosexual.

Another 10 questions later and I've come to the end of the quiz. I take a deep breath before pressing submit and await my results. Right when I think they are about to appear, a box appears on my screen.

For the small price of $5 your results can be emailed to you!
Along with a place to put your card info and your email.

Are you fucking kidding me? Who do they think is going to pay $5 for this?

Me. That's who. I've already come this far and there's no point in turning back now. It's only a few dollars.

I put in my information and watch my inbox awaiting the email. 30 seconds pass before it appears. I take one last deep breath before clicking onto it.

You are gay!