Avengers Song Preferences

Clint Barton x Reader

Song: Hotel Ceiling by Rixton

Warning: mention of suicide

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I can see it coming full circle my friend

On the T.v they had reported you dead

It was my fault 'cause i could've sworn that you said

It was easy to find another for your bed

"An apartment complex burnt to the ground and sadly there were no survivors" the news reporter said and switched the TV off and threw it against the wall as tears filled my eyes. Y/ns dead. Shes gone and its all my fault. We were fighting and the last thing she said to me was 'i can find someone else easily. I hate you' and i replied 'Fine. I hate you too' i dont hate her. I could never hate her. This is all my fault.

How does it feel to leave me this way,
When all that you have's been lost in a day?
Everyone knows, but not what to say.
I've been wonderin' now.

I wonder if she really does hate me. I was an asshole to her. Everything we had is gone in a day. Everything even her. The rest of the avengers are sitting around me as i sit on the couch of the hotel room. They know what happened. All of them are speechless even tony. I mean what can they say? Nothing they can say will bring her back to me.

I've been staring at the hotel ceiling,
Drinking everything I've found this evening,
Trying to hold onto the sweetest feeling,
So I'll never let you go, don't you leave me lonely.
Start to see this, everyone I know cannot believe this.
Trying to hold onto the sweetest feeling,
So I'll never let you go, don't you leave me lonely now.

They left me alone by my request. I am staring at the ceiling. Drinking bottle after bottle (stupid mini bottles) of vodka. I wasn't even buzzed. All of our memories flashed through my brain like a movie. Like when we moved in together that was one of my favorite moments.

Flashback-

"clinttttt help me carry this box." y/n pouted and she looked beautiful. Even if her hair was in a messy bun and in my sweats and some old tye-dye shirt and her glasses on since she didnt have her contacts in. "of course sweetheart" i smiled and grabbed the box from her and grunted "jesus whats in here bricks?" i commented making her giggle "no silly. Its my books" i rolled my eyes playfully at her "of course it is. You have more books than the library" i sat the box on the ground. It was the last one. She smiled with a glint of something i couldnt place in her eyes. Before i could react properly her arms were around my neck and her legs around my waist. I held her thighs and spun her around once just to hear her precious giggle. "Welcome home" i smirked and kissed her. She pulled back. "i love you clint. Too the moon and back" i blushed "i love you too sweetheart to the moon and back"

Flashback over-

Here i am alone. She's really gone. The sweetest moments we shared are all a memory now. Ill never let her go.

When my eyes open, morning pulls me into the view, no
I guess I'm only acting in the way that you do.
Just being alone, no.
Only time tells me more than I hoped, all that I know is
I'll be fine in a fortnight, lo and behold,
I knew I shouldn't have let you go.

The morning came to fast much to fast. Sighing i got up and made my way into the living area where the team was already. I only slept about an hour. When i had woke up i was curled into a ball around a pillow. Like she used to cuddle me. "Clint im so sorry. Time will heal this." steve said trying to help. "Captian i dont thin you understand. Time isnt going to fix this. For fucks sake i didnt even get to tell her i loved her!!!! The last thing i said to her was i hate you!! Steve this is all my fault!" i collapsed to the ground as sobs racked my body. Steve sunk down next to me and pulled me into a hug. "shh clint its gonna be okay" maybe with time but maybe not. "NO ITS NOT I WAS GOING TO FUCKING PROPOSE WHEN I GOT BACK STEVE!! i should've told her i loved her. I fucked up really bad." i chocked. "i knew i shouldn't have left"

I've been staring at the hotel ceiling,
Drinking everything I've found this evening,
Trying to hold onto the sweetest feeling,
So I'll never let you go, don't you leave me lonely.
Start to see this, everyone I know cannot believe this.
Trying to hold onto the sweetest feeling,
So I'll never let you go, don't you leave me lonely now.

Once more im staring at the ceiling downing more liquor than i should trying to hold onto the memory of her. I called her phone "hey its y/n i cant get to the phone right-clint stop that. Sorry babe. Leave a message and ill back to you!" i smiled sadly. I had poked her side and that's why i was in the message. "y/n i know you're never gonna hear this. Unless you look down upon me but i just wanna say I'm so sorry. I love you so much. I shouldn't have left. This is all my fault. I can never forgive myself. I just wish you were still here im so lonely with out you. All i can do is think about you" i hung up the phone.
I struggled to get up and get the gun off the nightstand that Natasha made me keep in here. I put it up to my head and clicked the trigger.

I can see it coming full circle my friend
On the TV they said they had reported you dead.

'Clint Barton kills himself after a fight with his girlfriend that ended in tragedy '