Breaking Through

twenty-two

The morning after Caitlin's birthday, she woke up with a dull ache in her head and a heaviness in her heart. The previous night's events came flooding back in hazy fragments—Sam standing at the apartment door, the hurt in her eyes, that desperate kiss that was supposed to fix everything but only deepened the rift between them. Caitlin sat up in bed, wincing at the pounding in her temples, as the full weight of what had happened hit her. Sam had walked away, and Caitlin had let her go.

The apartment was eerily quiet, with only the distant sounds of traffic filtering through the windows. Her friends were still asleep, likely nursing their own hangovers, while the remnants of their birthday celebration lay scattered around the living room—empty glasses, discarded streamers, and the faint smell of stale alcohol hanging in the air. What should have been a night of joy and celebration now felt empty and hollow, tainted by the pain of what had transpired.

Caitlin swung her legs out of bed, her body sluggish and her mind even more so. She didn't want to face the day, but she knew she couldn't stay hidden away in her room forever. There was too much on her mind, too much she needed to sort through. She grabbed her phone off the nightstand, her thumb hovering over Sam's contact. The urge to call her, to try and make things right, was strong, but the words wouldn't come. She didn't know how to make this better when she wasn't sure what she was ready to give.

She couldn't bring herself to text Sam, not yet. The wound was still too fresh, the emotions too raw. Instead, she made her way down the hall to Kate's room. Caitlin found her best friend passed out on the floor, tangled in a blanket, one arm flung over her face. Caitlin nudged her gently with her foot. "Kate, get off the floor. I need to talk."

Kate stirred, letting out an unintelligible groan before rolling onto her back, blinking up at Caitlin with bleary eyes. "Why am I on the floor?"

Caitlin managed a small smile. "I guess Gabby didn't do that good of a job putting us to bed."

Kate slowly sat up, rubbing her eyes as she reached for the glass of water Gabby had left on her nightstand. She took a sip, her gaze never leaving Caitlin's face. "Are you okay? About last night? Do you remember it?"

Caitlin let out a long sigh, running a hand through her hair. "Yeah, I remember. I messed up, Kate. I think she's done. Like, really done."

Kate's expression softened, concern etched in her features as she sat up a little straighter. "You should talk to her before you assume anything."

Caitlin hesitated, the weight of Sam's ultimatum pressing on her chest. "She told me I need to figure out what I care more about—her or my reputation. She's tired of being kept a secret, and honestly, I can't blame her."

Kate leaned forward, her voice gentle but firm. "Caitlin, you've been together for what, almost three years? It's understandable that she wants more. She wants to be a part of your life, not just something you hide away."

"I know," Caitlin whispered, her voice barely audible. "But I'm scared, Kate. What if people find out? What if it ruins everything?"

Kate reached out, placing a reassuring hand over Caitlin's. "You can't live your life based on 'what ifs.' I get it, you're in the public eye now, and that's a lot of pressure. But you can't let fear dictate your life. If you love Sam, if you really want to be with her, then you have to be willing to take that risk."

Caitlin stared down at their intertwined hands, the knot in her stomach tightening. "I'm not ready," she finally admitted, her voice barely above a whisper.

Kate squeezed her hand gently. "That's okay, Caitlin. But maybe you need to think about how Sam is feeling. I know it sucks, but maybe y'all could use some space. Sometimes, taking a step back can help you see things more clearly."