𝕿𝖍𝖊 𝕭𝖑𝖆𝖈𝖐

Chapter four

Mr. Potter suddenly said: "oh right! Sorry son... you said it's a secret." He gave James a nervous smile then looked around while saying oppressed: "Regulus dear, don't you wanna come inside and... er... discuss?" I could laugh at Sirius's mouth wide open from shock, James's pale face while trying not to make eye contact with anyone and Regulus trying to hide his blush with his curly hair. But this is a serious situation, so I tried to hide it by coughing and looking away.

"I can explain!" James said first.

"I don't need your bloody explanation!" Sirius said, glaring at James.

"language!" Mrs. Potter warned.

There were a few moments of silence as Regulus slowly stepped inside the house. "welcome!" Mrs. Potter greeted. Regulus smiled at her then looked at his older brother, trying to 'explain'. "Sirius please don't be mad."

"hah! 'don't be mad' you say, while my blood is BOILING!" Sirius glared at Regulus.

"let's just talk about it in my room, huh?" James suggested, so the three of them walked upstairs.

I didn't hear their speech, all I heard was Mr. potter explaining me the whole situation. "Jamie told me to keep it a secret but I guess I disappoint him."

"Monty! How can you say this?! James is our son. he will understand that you said that by accident." Mrs. Potter said back. I was starting to think how much they loved and cared for their one and only son; opposite of Black family of course. Mr. and Mrs. Potter were so old but yet James still loved them. THEY were a proper family not the Blacks. I pitied Sirius. He was living in that jinxed house for years! He was listening to his mother nagging at him all the time, his cousins mocking him for being a nice person. This was wrong. I wonder how many times he had cried, how many times he had sobbed, begged for his mother to let him live like normal boys in his age. Maybe even... he had thought of suicide too. This thought made me shiver.

I waited at least thirty or forty minutes for them to come downstairs. I didn't want to disturb their discussion so I went in the kitchen and helped Mrs. Potter to prepare the dinner. At the meantime, Mr. Potter talked about how helpful and kind I was, and I smiled every time he said that. And finally, the Black brothers came downstairs along with James, grinning slyly which showed that he has won the discussion. He was such a funny guy!

We ate the meal in a very friendly way; James talking about his first date with Regulus while Sirius nagged about why did Regulus and James kept this a secret. In the whole time, I kept glancing over at Sirius, wondering how pretty and impressive he was, how I sank in his gray eyes... that dark ocean I talked about earlier.

"Remus? You okay...?!" I came back to reality as I heard Sirius and realized that I was staring at him for a long time. Jesus... I made fun of myself AGAIN!!!

With each moment that past, I knew that I fall for Sirius again and again and AGAIN. Like he had the ability to make me fall in love with him thousands of times in a day. The way he brushed his dark wavy hair aside, the way his lips moved while chewing the food (maybe I was a pervert?!) his lips... those pink smooth and soft lips, moving; it just made my heart beat faster.

We agreed to stay the night and James promised Sirius to do nothing, let me repeat again, to do NOTHING with Regulus, not even a touch!!! Such an overprotective brother. I wished I had siblings; even in this novel, I'm an only child. I never felt how having a sibling feels. Usually people say that having a sibling is not exactly a good feeling, but I wanted to try it out.

That night, Regulus slept in James' room, Sirius and I stayed in the guest room, cuddled into each other.

"you were staring at me the whole time... you cheeky pervert." I heard Sirius mumble in the dark. I chuckled as he pulled me to himself, kissing my neck softly. "I talked with Mr. Potter, he said he'll help me find a proper house for ourselves. Then we'll live together," he mumbled in my ear. "forever." A small smile formed on my lips. I wanted this. I wanted this dream life. I wanted to stay with you, FOREVER. Tears forming in my eyes, for the second time today and I warp my arms around his neck, hugging him tight as tears ran down my eyes; he hugged me back, caressing my back. "hey why're you crying?!"

"it's just because of happiness." I lied.

That night I had a nightmare. I was in the clothes of Remus Kings, this character whom I am him; running after a boy I knew it's my real self. I knew only my first name: Remus. I didn't remember my last name. I called for my real self to stop walking away from me but he kept walking. It scared me. he didn't stop at all. I wanted to see his face, to see my real face... my REAL FACE. I didn't remember it. My real self, walked to my parents, a man and a woman who I didn't see their faces either, their faces were unclear. I didn't remember any of them. "mum! Dad!" I called but they didn't see me. they hugged the real version of me and all I could do was watching while I sobbed loudly.

And finally, that nightmare ended when the sun shined and showed her light, some birds singing and some crows screaming, I opened my eyes and see myself in Sirius's arms. His eyes closed and his dark hair hiding his forehead. I slowly reached out and brushed his hair away, staring at his beautiful face. I thought about my past, my parents, that boy whom I was running after in my dream, my own self. was I actually stuck in this novel? I should remember. I should remember my own self then maybe I'll go back home.

I smiled softly at Sirius's sleeping face and leaned forward, close enough to feel his hot breath on my face. I stared at his pink lips and slowly pressed my lips on his, kissing him softly. I broke the kiss and whisper quietly: "I'm so sorry, Sirius. But I had no choice." Then I got up slowly, tried not to wake him up. I got out of the room, the house was quiet which meant everyone were still sleeping, so I took advantages of it and stormed outside the house immediately.

'Sirius please forgive me. at first I thought I can stay with you but I'm afraid I can't. in this eighteen hours that I was with you, I knew that I love you and you only but... I can't. I can't get away from my parents! What if I stay here and change the actual story?! I can't. I will find a way and get out of here, ASAP.'

I ran, I kept running in the streets and alleys, just getting away from Sirius, his brother and the Potters. I should have get back home. to my real family. I'm NOT Remus Kings. But who am I? tears ran down my cheeks as I slow down and stop, leaning on a wall, thinking about Sirius; I recall the way he called me 'my moon' I recall the way he kissed my neck, the way he talked to me so soft and calmly, even though he was a mess from inside. The way he cried when his mother told him to leave the house. The way he was frustrated when he found out about his brother and James being a thing. I just... I just wanted to go back to him, let him hug me tight and shower me with kisses. I missed him.

I turned around to look where I was. I realized that I was standing in a quiet alley, in a quiet, narrowed alley. There was a door in front of me, probably the door of someone's house, a big blue door. Blue. Color of the ocean in a bright sunny day. I turned my head, looking at the old gray wall around this door. Gray. Color of the ocean in a scary, stormy, rainy day. Stormy. Just as my mind. My mind, a storm of thoughts. I realized who this gray wall was around the blue door, like all the sad and bad energy were gathering around all hope and happiness. A tear slides down and fell on my lips, I lick it, just to feel the salty taste of it; I remember I did it a lot when I was a kid, crying because my parents' divorce.

'come on Remus.Remember. You should go back home.'