Overcoming My Father

chapter 3

Since I wasn't numb, today was going to be really hard. You know that lump in your throat you get when you're about to cry? Well, I felt that all day if I wasn't numb. I avoided Taylor at all costs, I wouldn't be able to handle it if she said something to me today. she was the only one who saw that I was dying on the inside. and she should know, we've been best friends for years. we've helped eachother through everything. the sad thing is, that even my mom doesn't notice.. a part of me wanted her to notice, that way id know she was paying attention to me. but another part, the biggest part of me, wanted her to be so busy she wouldn't notice. if she noticed, shed be asking me question after question, and I couldn't handle that. at about lunch time there was no way I could avoid Taylor anymore, so I waited for her at my locker.

"hey area, I've hardly seen you all day! where have you been?" she asked, brushing her black hair out of her face. I was so jealous of her beauty. She had kind black hair that flowed past her belly button, deep blue eyes and a pale skin tone. In my eyes, she was the prettiest girl here. And compared to me, she was a goddess. I was ugly, short and fat with medium length brown hair, and ugly brown eyes. Why was she even friends with me?

"I've been around." I said quietly while looking down at my shoes. I could feel her watching gaze on me and I tried to ignore it.

"Are you okay?" She questioned and put her had on the shoulder part of my back. This sent my body into fear mode. I could hardly get any breath down my throat, and I was feeling really dizzy.

"Yeah im-" and blackness over took my mind. The next thing I knew I was laying in my bed at home. How did I get here? Did I faint at school? What the heck?

"Finally you're awake. Are you okay hunny?" She asked as she took my hand.

"What happened?"

"You fainted, you're lucky Taylor was there to catch you." She informed me. Oh Crap, I fainted.. now Taylor was really gonna think I was crazy. What was I going to tell her? My mom asked me a few more pointless questions and the left me to sleep. As if I was going to get any sleep after today. I had to think of what I was going to tell Taylor. I wonder if she had texted me. I grabbed my phone off my night stand and checked. Yeah, she had texted me, only like a million times. 'Hey tay, I'm sorry about today, ill see you tomorrow. Gonna go to bed, love you girl, night.' I sent her a quick text and shut my phone off. Oddly enough I felt numb. I didn't even have to cut! How was this possible? I didn't care what had to be done, as long as I felt this comfortable numbness.

"why are you in bed, you didn't even do you're chore?" my father roared as he entered my room. my whole body tensed up and was instantly filled with anger. i got up and went to the kitchen and began the dishes.

"what are you doing out of bed honey?" my mom asked sweetly. little did she know that dad had just came into my room and got mad because my chore wasn't done. what was i thinking? i should have gotten up right when i woke up and did them. i knew he,d be mad at me if they weren't done.

"i'm doing the dishes."

"oh no you aren't, get back into bed." she ordered. who was i supposed to listen too? who was i more afraid of, was the real question. i decided to continue with the dishes. my mom must've figured out that it was dad who sent me to do the dishes because the next thing i heard was the both of them arguing. awesome, you even accomplished making them fight today. what is with you lately? you seem to wreck everything you touch.. you have some serious problems girl. but you already know that. after dishes i quietly walked to my room hoping they wouldn't see me, because i really didn't want to be involved in this argument, even though its all my fault. i successfully made it to my room and layed down, surprisingly enough i was tired. well, at least until my head hit the pillow, the i was wide awake. most people are the opposite, but i'm crazy so it makes sense.

the numbness i had once felt had disappeared as soon as i saw my father. there was a powerful pain stomping around in my chest, which made it difficult to focus on anything else. there was one thing i could do... no, not three nights in a row. that's a little to much. i could always fond another way to release the emotions, but what? my brain took my body into that familiar trance, but this time when i awoke, i wasn't bleeding. my right cheek was throbbing and swollen. i went to my mirror and sure enough there was a bruise forming underneath my right eye. how did that get there? did i punch myself in the face...? that's a new level of crazy, you freak. what was my issue? there was something seriously wrong with me. what kind of a person punches themselves in the face? i fricken weirdo, that's who. what was i going to tell people when they say the bruise? what was i going to tell my mom? hmm, how would a person get a bruise like this? i could say i fell off my bed and landed on my face? i have some serious issues, holy. that night i did nothing but stare at my roof, and bash myself for how crazy i was becoming. what was the point to my life if i was slowly going crazy? maybe i should just end it, that would make things so much better for everyone, wouldn't it?