lover boy

Chapter 48

Jude Bellingham

The hum of the city had died down outside, and I was lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, unable to sleep. It had been a long day—first at the hospital, then the match, and now this restless quiet that settled over everything. The win should have felt good, should have brought some sense of accomplishment, but all I could think about was Cecilia.

I kept replaying the moment I thought I saw her in the hospital. The way my heart had skipped a beat, the sudden rush of emotions that had hit me all at once. And then, seeing her message on my phone—it confirmed what I had already known deep down. It was her. She was so close, yet so far away.

Her response had been simple, straightforward:

Yeah, that was me. I'm doing my internship at the hospital now. Didn't expect to run into you there.

She had kept it casual, but I could read between the lines. There was a distance there, an unspoken tension that neither of us was addressing. And then her next message had thrown me completely off balance.

I sat up in bed, running a hand through my hair, trying to clear my head. My phone was still in my hand, her messages glowing on the screen, taunting me. I knew I had to respond, but what could I say that wouldn't make things worse?

My fingers hovered over the keyboard, typing and deleting several drafts before I finally settled on something simple:

It was good to see you too. I wasn't expecting it, but... it was a nice surprise.

I hit send before I could second-guess myself, then tossed my phone onto the bed beside me. But of course, that didn't stop my mind from racing. What was I even doing? I had spent so long trying to move on from Cecilia, convincing myself that it was better this way, that she was better off without me in her life. But seeing her again, even briefly, had stirred up everything I had been trying to bury.

And then there was Gavi.

Jobe's words from earlier echoed in my mind, and my fists clenched at the memory. The thought of Gavi being involved with Cecilia made my blood boil. But why? I had no right to be angry. I had been the one to walk away. I had been the one to push her out of my life when things got too complicated, too painful. So what if she had moved on? I should be happy for her. I should want her to be happy, no matter who it was with.

But the truth was, I wasn't happy about it. Not at all.

I picked up my phone again, half-expecting another message from her, but the screen was blank. I considered texting her again, asking her more about the internship, about her life, about anything that would keep the conversation going. But I didn't. I couldn't. I had to give her space, even though every part of me wanted to pull her back into my life.

Frustrated, I got out of bed and walked over to the window, staring out at the city lights. The distant hum of traffic and the occasional siren reminded me of the constant movement of life outside these walls, a world that never stopped turning, no matter how tangled up my own thoughts were.

What if Cecilia really was involved with Gavi? Could I handle that? Could I really just step aside and watch her be with someone else, someone who wasn't me? The thought made my chest tighten, and I clenched my jaw, trying to push it down.

But then, what if there was still a chance? What if she hadn't moved on, and this was just a momentary distraction? Did I still have a shot at winning her back? Or was I just clinging to something that no longer existed?

I didn't have any answers. And that uncertainty gnawed at me, keeping me awake long into the night.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The next morning, I dragged myself out of bed after a restless night of tossing and turning. My phone was still lying on the bed, the screen blank except for the messages from last night. No new notifications. No reply from Cecilia.

I sighed, rubbing my eyes before getting ready for training. I knew I had to focus, had to push all of this out of my mind if I wanted to perform well. But it was easier said than done.

As I walked into the training facility, the usual banter and energy from the guys surrounded me. They were all hyped from last night's win, talking about the goals, the plays, already preparing for the next match. But I couldn't shake the feeling that I was just going through the motions. My mind wasn't in it, not fully.

Harry caught up to me as we headed out onto the pitch, giving me a light shove. "You alright, bro? You've been off since last night."

I forced a smile, nodding. "Yeah, just didn't sleep well. That's all."

He didn't look convinced, but he let it slide. "Well, shake it off. We've got work to do."

I nodded, trying to push everything out of my head as we started training. But as the drills went on, as we moved through our usual routines, I couldn't stop thinking about Cecilia. About the way she had looked in the hospital, about her messages, about everything that had been left unsaid between us.

I had to figure this out. I couldn't keep going like this, with all these questions eating away at me. I needed to talk to her, really talk to her, and find out where we stood. And if Gavi was involved... well, I would deal with that when the time came.

But for now, all I could do was wait. And hope that whatever happened next, I could handle it.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

After training, I was exhausted, not just physically but mentally too. My legs ached from the drills, but the real weight I felt was in my chest. Cecilia hadn't replied to my last message, and even though I kept telling myself to be patient, the silence was gnawing at me. I showered quickly, trying to shake off the tension, but it clung to me like a second skin.

As I made my way in the locker room, I was taking off my jersey, Jobe came. He was talking to a couple of the guys, but when he saw me, he waved me over.

"Hey, bro," he called out, a grin on his face. "You coming to the event tomorrow?"

I blinked, momentarily confused. "What event?"

Jobe rolled his eyes, clearly amused. "You know, the one the club's been talking about for weeks? Fashion Week in Berlin? The whole team's been invited, VIP passes and everything."

Fashion Week. I had completely forgotten about it. In fact, it hadn't even been on my radar with everything else that had been going on. Normally, these kinds of events were just part of the job—show up, smile for the cameras, make some appearances. But now, the idea of going felt... different. It felt like a distraction, something that might pull me out of the mess in my head.

I hesitated for a moment, then nodded. "Yeah, I'll be there."

Jobe gave me a knowing look. "Good. You need to loosen up a bit. Maybe have some fun for once, instead of brooding over... whatever it is you're brooding over."

I forced a chuckle, trying to play it off. "I'm not brooding. Just... thinking."

Jobe smirked. "Yeah, well, stop thinking for a night and enjoy yourself. It's Fashion Week, man. Celebrities, models, free drinks—what more could you want?"

He wasn't wrong. A night out might be exactly what I needed to get my mind off things, at least temporarily. And who knows? Maybe a change of scenery would help me gain some perspective.