𝑴𝒚 𝑶𝒃𝒔𝒆𝒔𝒔𝒆𝒅 𝑩𝒐𝒔𝒔

Twelve

I watched as she skipped off. That was embarrassing. I was about to kiss her. Fuck. I rubbed my eyes and sighed. I don't mean to. I probably made her uncomfortable too. But she smells so sweet.

No, Asher, this isn't like you.

"Hey, you alright?" I looked at Axel and frowned. All of this was his fault. I stood on my feet and brushed past him.

"I'm sorry!" He calls out to me. "I didn't mean it Ash. Asher!?"

"What!? What do you want from me? Huh?!" I was done with it. Everything just came out like an explosion. "What?" He said nothing. "Do you want to know why I came here? Is that it? Huh?"

"Look-

"Do you want to know how my ex girlfriend beat me and degraded me for six years? Huh!?" My voice cracked, tears blurred my vision. "Want to know how I can't cook for shit because I'm afraid that I'll get burned. But I try right? I try for them. For my boys." I wiped my eyes but the tears didn't stop.

"Want to know...how I struggle to even take care of them now as a dad? I just let them do whatever they want because I don't know what to do. Even...after all these years I still don't know what I'm doing."

Silence.

"Pathetic that a woman could make me feel that way." Tears. "So afraid and...and weak. I'm here because I was scared, okay? I needed...I needed to get away. For my boys." I just cried. It's all I could do, and to be fair...it felt good to do so.

Axel closes the gap between us and hugged me. "Sorry man. I'm sorry." I hugged back, crying harder. It felt good getting it all out.

I never spoke about what Ashley did to me in our relationship. I never had friends, no family, and the only thing I had was a company but I never let anyone in. It was all about building myself for my future self.

Never had I prepared myself for Ashley. I never got to talk about how much I hated her but loved her. How much I wanted to see her die but also live for the boys. I was never able to get any of it off of my chest. Nothing about the bruises and the cuts, and having to hide it away from the boys when we fought.

It was draining. Six draining years before I finally got out of it. And still I said nothing. Even during my panic attacks. A few times I had my boys calm me down. Just a few times. I want to keep them safe. I'll do anything to keep them safe even if I can't keep myself safe.

Time passed and Axel and I were still in the parking lot. I needed to take a seat after bawling my eyes out. He just joined me on the ground against my car.

Nothing was said for a bit, just comfortable silence. I felt comfortable at least, even after exposing myself like that.

"You know," he finally says. "you're an amazing dad, Asher. No man can take care of three kids by himself without help. I think I'd have lost my mind every day if I were you. But you're doing what you can, and that's what matters.

"Don't think that going through this in your life is some sort of quest. Let it be motivation to do better. Spending time, playing games with them, even cooking for them. If you let your fears take over for you, you'd never be able to conquer the past."

I wiped my nose and eyes. He's right. I don't try hard enough.

"Thanks." Axel held out his hand and I gazed at it. It's a fist.

"To making it work." I balled my fists and connected it. "That's what I'm talking about."

__

The day was finally over and I began my way to the bus stop. I could see the clouds huddling together to cover the sky in grey. Hopefully I make it home before it rains.