Falling up

EPILOGUE !!!

•Louis POV•

After Spencer's funeral a lot of guilt fell into place. I felt like I wasn't a good enough friend for noticing the signs, but in reality so many of the signs of suicide just slipped through my mind.

I didn't want to accept the death of the girl I loved, but she wouldn't of wanted me to give up on my career, I knew that for certain.

Before I was afraid to visit her grave. I was always at a loss of things to do, to say. So I never came, never visited the gray stone marking the place she was laid to rest.

The uber pulled up the vacant yard and I climbed out after paying the man the due fee. My feet crunched the gravel that was underneath me and I made my way to her grave. I was nervous to see her, I the instance I was, because I didn't know what would happen of
me after. What memories would be brought back up.

When I found myself at her tombstone I took a seat in front of the willow tree beside it, with a clear view of the stone. I placed the flowers in front of her grave, that I had brought with me here.

"Hi Spencer."

I paused like I was waiting for an answer, but at the same time I knew none was going to come.

"I haven't visited you before and I'm sorry, but hopefully you liked it when all the other boys did."

"I miss you, I miss you all the time. I'm sorry that this had to happen. I'm sorry you never got to live your life fully. Nothing's the same without you here. I know everything happens for a reason, but I can't find a reasoning for
your departure. At the same time we haven't forgotten about you though, I honestly don't think I ever would be able to."

After I spoke I took a shaky breath, trying to keep myself in one piece, trying not to break down right now.

"I always loved you, you know that right ? I loved everything about you. Your smile, your laugh, the way you joked around with everyone. I loves your since of humor and I loved holding your hand. I miss you terribly Spencer, I just wish you were here to spend the rest of your life with me."

••
As my feet carried me up the stairs to the stage, sweat dripping down my neck into my drenched attire, from all my dancing, and I remembered why I did this. That encouraging girl I grew to love kept pushing me to keep going, to need give up.

The past 2 years still carry reminders of my past lover, our friend.

The microphone was tightly grasped in my hand and I looked at my fellow band members.

"I would like to dedicate this last song to my first love, our classmate and most importantly our best friend. Spencer held our hearts with her and when she took her life two years ago today, everything changed. Depression and suicide are serious topics in which many of us are blind to. I wrote this song for her and I hope you all enjoy it" I spoke carefully into the microphone.

"I miss you Spencer, this ones for you." Harry spoke into the microphone interrupting me. I was glad he did because I didn't know how else to elaborate.

Before we begin the song the boys and I all pile ourselves in a big group hug and take a much needed deep breath before the song begins.

[Zayn]
Your hand fits in mine like it's made just for me
But bear this in mind, it was meant to be

[Harry]
And I'm joining up the dots with the freckles on your cheeks
And it all makes sense to me...

[Liam]
I know you've never loved the crinkles by your eyes when you smile
You've never loved your stomach or your thighs, the dimples in your back at the bottom of your spine
But I'll love them endlessly

[Harry]
I won't let these little things
Slip out of my mouth
But if I do
It's you
Oh it's you
They add up to
I'm in love with you
And all these little things

[Louis]
You can't go to bed without a cup of tea
And maybe that's the reason that you talk in your sleep
And all those conversations are the secrets that I keep
Though it makes no sense to me

[Harry]
I know you've never loved the sound of your voice on tape
You never want to know how much you weigh, you still have to squeeze into your jeans
But you're perfect to me

I won't let these little things
Slip out of my mouth
But if it's true
It's you
It's you
They add up to
I'm in love with you
And all these little things

[Niall]
You'll never love yourself half as much as I love you
And you'll never treat yourself right darlin' but I want you to
If I let you know I'm here for you
Maybe you'll love yourself like I love you, oh

[Harry]
I've just let these little things
Slip out of my mouth
'Cause it's you
Oh it's you
It's you they add up to
And I'm in love with you
And all these little things

I won't let these little things
Slip out of my mouth
But if it's true
It's you
It's you
They add up to
I'm in love with you
And all your little things

The song ended and the 5 of us stood smiles stretched across our faces, and swear dripping down our cheeks. The fans were going crazy, clapping and cheering.

I did it Spencer, I did it for you.
I love you, forever and always.

THE END