Falling up

Going to be the end of me

"Why are you in such a rush?" Harry said placing the last price on the plate.

"Um- no reason, I just, like eating fast." I said horribly lying.

Placing my now empty glass in the sink I grabbed some gauze and bandages for my hand.

Tucking them under my arm I grabbed some scissors and shoved a lighter in my pocket when no one was looking.

Thankfully Harry was eating food before everyone else came down and Liam's been in the bathroom for the past 20 minutes doing who knows what.

Jogging lightly back upstairs I shut my door and made sure it was shut.

It's just like old times now.

Walking into the bathroom I grabbed a hand towel and out all the stuff onto the floor.

This would be the First time I've Done it in months.

And by now I guess you can figure out what it is.

It's why I got here- it's why I met these amazing guys. Why I almost lost my life 2 times.

Why I was 'Saved' but then went falling down.

Now though as everyone thinks I'm 'falling up' and getting better I'm actually falling down- hard.

I sighed remembering the tragic past memories. Of corse I remember the big things that happened, now could I forget?

Grabbing the lighter I lifted up the hem on my pajama pants and flicked the circle so the flames were ignited.

I breathed in a breath and placed the flame on my now almost fragile skin.

Breathing back out I felt the pain I had grown to love- the addicting pain that I got me trapped under a spell.

Pulling away the lighter I looked at the damage I had Done to myself.

'Forever' was now burned into my skin.

Gasping I finally remembered I had done that- without even realizing it.

And it stays there- forever. Just like my past and my scars.

They won't go away because they are etched into my skin and brain to never be lost again.

Lost like my family.

A few stray tears fell from my eyes and without thinking I grabbed the scissors and repeatedly forced the blade into my skin creating thin lines with blood slowly coming out.

Of corse now I realize I brought kitchen scissors- the ones you can use to cut meat and stuff.

Meat and stuff, well I count then.

I'm meat and to be honest I got a whole lost of stuff.

Placing the metal blade back onto my skin I rubbed it back and forth creating a deeper gash that flowed with a constant blood stream.

I sucked in a breath seeing what I had done to my thigh.

Here we go again. This one day was, going to be the end of me.