A HEALTHY LOVE

CH. 9: An Inmate's Comfort

McCullough went into the first bathroom she could find. Shakily, she sunk to the floor inside one of the larger stalls. Her heart was pounding in her ears as her face ached with intense pain. She reached for the cigarette hidden in her sock. Once it was lit, she took several desperate drags. She rolled her shirt sleeve to expose her forearm as she burned herself to keep her warm tears at bay.

A few moments later, she heard the bathroom door open. Before she could shut the stall door, Alex appeared,a concerned look on her face. McCullough said nothing as Alex took the cigarette from her quickly as she tossed it in the toilet, flushing it down. Alex then grabbed a few paper towels, wetting a few and leaving the others dry. She kneeled on the floor in front of McCullough.

Gently, Alex used a damp paper towel to wipe the blood from McCullough's nose. She set a dry paper towel over McCullough's nostrils and carefully tilted McCullough's head backwards. "Hold your head up" Alex said, using the last few wet paper towels as she compressed them on McCullough's fresh burns. McCullough stared at Alex in both disbelief and confusion. "Why are you taking care of me?" McCullough asked shyly.

Alex: "Believe it or not, I don't like seeing you in pain."

McCullough: "Really?"

"Of course not" Alex muttered. She looked at the burns on McCullough's arm with sad but frustrated look on her face. "I hate it when you do this to yourself." McCullough looked down with a shameful frown as she slowly looked back up Alex. "I'm know. I'm..I'm sorry" McCullough said softly.

"Don't apologize to me. Let me see your nose" Alex replied. She moved the paper towel aside and examined McCullough's bloody nose. "Shit, I think it's broken. You definitely need to go to medical." McCullough shook her head as pressed the paper towels harder on her nose. "Not yet. I need a second" McCullough said, her voice slightly different with the paper towels in her nose.

"This fucking place" Alex grumbled. She saw that a few stray tears were escaping McCullough's eyes. Instinctively, she wiped the from McCullough's cheek with her soft right thumb,staring the CO for several long moments. "I'm sorry there are so many shitty women in here. Including me." 

McCullough: "You're not like them."

Alex: "Yes, I am. I hurt you too, just in a different way. I shouldn't have led you on like I did."

McCullough: "It's not like stopped you."

Alex: "Yea, well..it was still a shitty thing to do."

"You're here now, though" McCullough murmured. After a slight pause, she decided to capitalize on the moment. She wrapped her right arm around Alex and set her chin atop Alex's right shoulder. The emotional words came pouring out of her before she could stop them. "I miss you. You don't have to say it back. And…I'd rather be hurt by you than be okay without you. I just want you to know that."

Alex didn't give a verbal response, but she slowly returned McCullough's small embrace. A few moments later, McCullough broke up the embrace and stared down for several moments. She got to her feet and headed for the door, planning to walk toward the bathroom door and onward to medical. Alex looked down watched as she walked past. She sighed as she turned around to speak.

"Hey.." Alex said softly. McCullough stopped and turned just as her hand was on the bathroom door handle. "I do,you know."

McCullough: "Do what?"

"Miss you" Alex said softly.  A tiny smile came to McCullough's face. She said nothing as she left the bathroom. However, her smile grew as she walked towards medical. When she came upon a trashcan in the hallway, she stopped and looked deep in thought for several moments. She fished Alex's transfer request from her pocket and tore it into a dozen pieces. They fell into the trash can like confetti. Alex wasn't going anywhere.