A HEALTHY LOVE

CH. 20: I'M HERE FOR YOU

When Alex awoke the next morning, she realized it was the anniversary of her mother's death. That was always a difficult day for her. It was also a reminder of when Piper walked out on her the first time, which was a crippling memory. It had taken years to get past the hurt and anger. Given the current state of things with Piper, that hurt and anger now felt fresh.

During the day, McCullough noticed just by a glance right off that Alex didn't seem like herself. Due to a staff meeting and some issues on D-block, she didn't have time to check in with Alex in person. She had to wait until their usual time slot in the closet. Upon arriving, she found Alex blankly shuffling cards. "Hey. Are you okay? Something seems off" McCullough said. Alex put a fake smile as she attempted to put on a brave face. "It's nothing" Alex replied.

McCullough: "No. No, it's something. I'm here, you know. You can tell me anything."

"It's the anniversary of my mother's death" Alex admitted. Without word or warning, McCullough wrapped Alex in a tight embrace as Alex slowly returned the embrace. Soon, tears started to fall quickly on Alex. Alex pulled back slowly and wiped her face as McCullough's brow knit in confusion. "Why'd you pull back?" McCullough asked.

Alex: "I don't want to cry in front of you. My depressive episodes are a mood killer."

McCullough: "Alex, if you need to cry, cry. If you need to yell or fall apart, do it. You've seen me at my worst, and you were there for me. So, I'm here for you. I'm not going to leave you. No matter what. I just..want to be whatever you need me to be."

Alex (averted her gaze): "I've been left before when I needed someone the most, so I'm not good at being vulnerable around people."

McCullough: "I understand that. But you don't have to be worried about me going anywhere. I couldn't leave if I wanted to. You're engrained in me."

Tearing up, Alex nodded as she embraced McCullough again. Her defenses gradually lowered as she found herself crying profusely in McCullough's arms. After a time, they moved to the floor. Alex curled in McCullough's lap, and McCullough requested to hear more about Alex's mother. Alex shared her favorite memories, and McCullough listened intently. For once, Alex felt heard and she felt safe. They only parted company when Alvarez called for backup on D-block.

McCullough: "I have to go, but I'll see you later"

Alex: "I know. Thanks for being here."

"There's nowhere I'd rather be" McCullough replied. After pressing a sweet kiss to Alex's cheek, McCullough left the closet. Alex leaned back against the closet wall for a few minutes. She felt breathless and she knew why. McCullough's mere presence had stolen the oxygen from her lungs.