A HEALTHY LOVE

CH.26: Alex & Piper's Final Talk

The following afternoon, Alex was told she had a visitor. She walked with a line of inmates to the visitation area. To no surprise, Piper was waiting for her. Alex sat down and picked up the phone. Piper picked up the phone on her side as well, though neither of them spoke at first for several seconds.

"How are you doing?" Piper finally asked.

"Surviving," Alex responded. "How are you?"

"I'm okay. What happened with the SHU? Did you get extra time for anything?" Piper asked.

Alex: "I didn't get anything other than the three days in the SHU. Someone was being attacked by an inmate. I stepped in to help and acted in self-defense. There was just a minor misunderstanding about it all at first."

"Were you hurt?" Piper asked.

"A cut on my left hand. Nothing major." Alex replied.

"You can't be involving yourself in the prison drama," Piper chided.

Alex glared her wife and lightly scoffed. "That's funny, coming from you of all people, Pipes. How was Northampton?" Alex asked.

"Fine," Piper said, exhaling slowly. "Alex, I love you. I thought about you while I was with her. I did. I know we've had a lot of bad shit, but I meant it when I said I could never stop loving you."

Alex: "I know you do. And I could never stop loving you. But we can't keep doing this,Pips. We can't keep hurting each other and expecting something to change. Look,just because we love each other doesn't mean we should be together."

Piper frowned at Alex's reply. "Are you saying you want to break up?" Piped

"Are you saying you don't want to?" Alex asked back.

Piper: "I have deep feelings for Zelda, but she isn't you."

Alex: "But she's in your heart. You spent five weeks with her, and you never called me except to ask to spend more time with her."

"Time that you had no problem giving me. I thought you might tell me no." Piper replied.

Alex huffed at her reply. "So what? Was that just a test? To see if I'd fight for you?"

Piper: "No...Yes...I don't know. I just wasn't expecting you to be so fine with it."

Alex: "I was fine with it because I found someone as well, and I wanted more time with her. Pipes, we have to stop this. We hurt each other way more than we feel happy with each other. With her, I don't hurt. With her, I'm not afraid. I feel things that I just don't feel with you. Just like how the things you feel with Zelda you don't feel with me."

Piper shook her head. "But you are the one I married. You are the one I love."

Alex: "Love isn't enough, and you know it. Our wedding wasn't really official, so we don't have to worry any divorce paperworm. We can live our lives, separately, and love each other from a distance. We can be happy that way. You can be free to live the life you've made out there, and I can be free to live the life I've made in her."

"Do you love this other woman?" Piper asked.

"Yes, I do. Do you love Zelda?" Alex asked in return

Piper: "Maybe...a part of me does. But I came here to tell you I wanted us to work this out."

Alex: "Why? Because this marriage makes you happy, or because you feel obligated to me? Pipes, you once said that we always go too far. Maybe that's what this is. It's okay to say we failed. I sometimes wonder if we even should've tried again after all the horrible shit we've done to each other over the years."

Piper wiped some tears on her face. "You're part of me, Alex. You're part of my body. I...I don't know how to be me without you."

Alex: "I'll always be with you, and you'll always be with me. But I want to be with someone who needs only me. Someone who loves all of me and is always there. That person isn't you, and you know it. It's always easier for you to leave when shit gets real."

Piper: "That isn't true. I don't and wil never believe that about myself."

Alex: "It wouldn't be the first time, Pipes. We're clearly just not meant to be together. I want you to be with someone who doesn't make you feel like you have to run away. Someone who can have all of you. Maybe you've found that person in Zelda. Or maybe not. Maybe your person is still out there somewhere. I want you to find them, and I want you to let me be with my person. The one I've found in here. Because I do love her and I want a life with her now."

Piper gave a reluctant nod. "Who is she? Do I know her?"

Alex: "Do you really want to know?"

Piper: "No. I guess I don't. So…that's it? After everything we've been through, a wedding, all of it—we're just..done?"

Alex: "Come on,Pips. We were done a long time ago. We were just too stubborn to let each other go."

Piper: "No one will ever replace you, Alex. No one."

Alex: "No one will ever replace you in my heart either. She'll never be you."

Piper: "But you're still choosing her.."

Alex: "Yes. I am. But Pipes…the parts of me that she loves, the good things in me, they exist because I met you. I am so glad for that. I'm so glad you're part of me. I'll think of you every day. I hope you think of me too sometimes, but I hope you find someone new to think about. Someone who makes you feel the things she makes me feel."

Piper put her hand on the glass, and Alex matched Piper's fingers. Piper hated to say it. "Goodbye, Alex." Piper said softly

Alex: "Goodbye, Piper. Go be happy. Please. I mean it. I..I love you."

Piper: "I love you too. I hope whoever she is loves you as much as I do."

On that final note, Piper left the visitation area. Alex waited until she was sure that Piper was gone to allow herself to cry on the way back to her cell. She would always miss Piper Chapman. She would always love her, and part of her would always wish things could have gone differently. That said, Alex also felt like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. Now, all she needed now was for McCullough to come home to her.