atelophobia - the overwhelming fear of imperfection
"I'm way smarter than you"
"I can't say the scores agree"
moon sooyun and park sunghoon experience their last year of high school together. their rivalry is thriving, hormones are raging and futur...
"a - tell - o - pob - ee - AH!" Sooyun gripped the side of her head wincing in pain. She blinked rapidly before raising her head to glare at her mum.
"not pob , fobe!" Her mother tsked shaking her head in anger. "No mistakes should be made Sooyun! Especially not in pronunciation!" The worn out girl huffed in response.
"I've made one mistake out of the hundred words you made me learn" she uttered out in disbelief of the woman's strict nature. But the truth is she had always been like that. Inflicting countless rules onto Sooyun mercilessly. Being a mentor, not a mother. Leaving no space for error or lack of understanding. And this method had seeped its way into Sooyun's brain too. Though she argued with her mother upfront, inside she was even more furious with herself for getting it wrong.
"Write each of the words down 10 times before you leave for school" and with that the lady left, leaving her daughter to dwell in the mass of disappointment floating around in the room.
That's right. It was before school. 5.47 to be exact. And instead of getting a good night's sleep like all other teenagers were (or at least sleeping past sunrise) she was sitting on her desk writing out the most obscure English words known to mankind.
Like what the hell did atelophobia even mean? And why the hell did this stupid word cost her hand to feel like a foot that had just come in contact with thousands of lego pieces? She threw her head back in frustration, harshly dropping the sweaty pen she had been holding for the past 2 hours on her table.
"What does it even mean.." she muttered as she disgustedly gazed down at the repetitive words on her notebook.
'Memorabilia, memorabilia, memorabilia, memorabilia, memorabilia, memorabilia, memorabilia, memorabilia, memorabilia, memorabilia'. Irritating English words written again and again on a battered piece of paper. She did this every morning. And every morning without fail she would slip up on one word and end up having to write out hundreds of letters that meant absolutely nothing to her. They were nothing but doors to mistakes, to lectures, to failure.
Sooyun's arms went up, tensing and relaxing, as she stretched. She smacked her lips together before leaning forward and typing on her keyboard.
'Atelophobia meaning'
Her lips separated as a sigh escaped before she pressed enter. The Moon girl's eyes skimmed across the screen trying to comprehend what it was saying.
'Atelophobia is an overwhelming fear of imperfection. People with atelophobia judge themselves very harshly, often setting unrealistic goals.'
Her lips pursed independently and her once moist mouth turned dry while her index finger carefully dragged the mouse further downwards to read on.
"Symptoms..?" She murmured curiously clicking on the small arrow leading to the answer.
She flinched instinctively closing the window and turning her head towards her bedroom door.
"I'M GOING TO WORK NOW BUT THAT DOES NOT MEAN I WILL NOT CHECK THOSE LATER!" the grouchy woman's voice boomed through the house causing the two males situated in it to groan.
"Ok mum!" She replied half heartedly- no quarter heartedly. Sooyun scanned her desk looking for something; a hairtie. She grabbed it and pulled her hair into a tight pony tail, tying it over 4 times (ouch) then continuing to her work. As she wrote the word over and over her mind began speaking. Telling her she had it. She had atelophobia. No. Impossible. Moons do not have fear. She'd always been told that. And besides atelophobia was probably just some bullshit made up by people who couldn't handle that they just weren't as good as they thought they were.
Diligently, she finished writing the words and placed her pencil down, eyeing her red palm. She wasn't sure if it was because it was sweaty or because her pencil had been pressed up against it.She deemed it harmless and complacently pressed down on her lotion bottle, allowing the eye-white, creamy cold substance to clash with her hands then rubbing it in, enjoying the soothing sensation.
Soohyun stood up grabbing her uniform and bag getting ready to spend the next 25 minutes making sure her skirt and shirt were just right. For her own comfort, of course.
She inspected herself in her mirror, blind to her half lidded eyes and massive eye bags. Blind to her dry, brittle hair that was dealing with the effects of malnourishment. Well, malnourishment of the right nutrients that is. Surviving on chewing gum and nuts wasn't exactly beneficial for the girl but she had more crucial things to worry about. Like whether her skirt was even or her tie was neat.
Taking one last look, she picked up her bag, slinging it over her shoulders and trudging down the stairs. She gripped onto a banana from the white counter in her kitchen and walked out her front door. With a book in one hand and a banana in the other the girl made it to school. The same way she did, every day.
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SO THAT'S THE START OF THIS NEW BOOK. PLEASEE GIVE ME YOUR THOUGHTS IN THE COMMENTS AND VOTE. WE WILL BE MEETING SUNGHOON IN THE NEXT CHAPTER SO DO STAY TUNED. LOVE YOU ALL.
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