Who the hell am I (english version)

sleepless nights

Barely had he spoken those words when I jerked awake, panicking as I looked around my room. "I'm here, in my bed, at S.H.I.E.L.D., everything is fine," I tell myself, rubbing my face with my hands. I've learned to control my breathing and my racing thoughts, but sweat is still running down my face. These dreams are driving me crazy. Slowly, I take a few deep breaths, count down from ten, take a sip of water, and then push the blanket off my body. The full moon is high in the sky, illuminating the otherwise dark night. A glance at my phone reveals that it's just before 4:00 AM. Great, two hours of sleep. I swing my legs out of bed and slowly get up, then head to the bathroom. When I turn on the light, I have to squint. Definitely too bright for this hour. A deep sigh escapes me. Everything makes so little sense, and I'm trying in vain to understand it.

I walk to the sink and wash my face with cold water. Maybe this will help clear my head. I take a deep breath and focus on the cold, then look in the mirror, staring directly into my own eyes. "What is wrong with you?" I ask myself. What's wrong with me?

Trying to go back to sleep is pointless, so I grab my laptop and start researching, as I always do when I'm awake at this hour and too tired for training. The question is, what do you search for when you don't know what you're looking for? So, I type "Bucky Barnes Howling Commandos" into my browser's search bar. Since he was part of Steve's team and contributed significantly to the destruction of Hydra, there are at least more results than for regular soldiers. The first thing I find is a Wikipedia entry. 

"James Buchanan Barnes was born on March 10, 1917, and joined the U.S. Army during World War II. His nickname, used by most, was Bucky. He and Steve Rogers had been best friends since childhood, but while Rogers was deemed unfit for the military due to health reasons, James was a respected soldier. In 1943, he was promoted to an officer of the 107th Infantry and fought in Europe. During a mission in England, large parts of the 107th were captured by the Nazis, including Barnes. His friend Steve Rogers had undergone an experiment by Dr. Abraham Erskine and became the first super-soldier in history. Rogers single-handedly freed the 107th and returned with them. The Howling Commandos were formed, and as Rogers' best friend, Barnes naturally fought by his side. Along with other soldiers (Timothy Dugan, Margaret Elizabeth Carter, Gabe Jones, James Montgomery Falsworth, Jim Morita, Jacques Dernier), they achieved many victories against the Nazis and Hydra. However, during a mission in the Alps in 1944, James Buchanan Barnes fell from a train and was declared dead as a result. A body was never found."

Images of him and the other members of the Howling Commandos are attached to the article, and I recognize him immediately. Carefully, I run my fingertips over the screen and stare at the pictures, as if they might disappear if I look away for even a moment. It was him, no doubt about it. I can't make any sense of it all. There are other articles, but they mostly provide the same information and don't help me at all.

I was about to put the laptop away when another article caught my attention. "The Disasters of 1944," the title read. What the hell. I click on the link and am redirected to a page with scanned newspaper reports from 1944.

"A sudden outbreak of natural forces shook the country, forcing the population to evacuate their homes. Storms raged with unrestrained fury, lightning filled the sky as far as the eye could see, rainstorms, snow, and hail, droughts and heat, earthquakes shaking the very foundations of the earth.
Countless people were buried under the rubble, and many more lost their homes. The exact numbers are unknown. Nature seems to be out of control, and the world's inhabitants are powerless against the destructive forces that descended upon them. In these tragic days and nights, entire regions were ravaged by floods, rivers overflowed their banks, tsunamis swept away everything in their path, houses were washed away, and entire communities were swallowed by the waters.
People fled from the destructive wrath of nature. Meanwhile, massive volcanoes erupted in the mountains, their molten lava consuming everything in its path and leaving a trail of devastation and suffering. Ashen rain darkened the sky, and the air was filled with a foreboding glow. The inhabitants of the surrounding areas were forced to abandon their homes and seek safety from the devastating power.
A cause for how such terrible events could occur simultaneously in so many places remains unexplained. As if the war hadn't already demanded enough."

What the hell? I see blood on my white bedspread and only then realize that I've been pressing my nails into my palms again. What on earth just happened? I briefly massage my temples and shake my head. Why do I have such a bad feeling? "It's nothing," I tell myself mentally and close my laptop. That's enough for now. I want to convince myself that it has nothing to do with what I'm searching for, but my gut feeling says otherwise.

--------A sleepless night for Elora and perhaps a bit too much research. How do you like the pictures of Bucky hehehehe ;) I love them so much and found them fitting with the vintage style.
What do you think about the "Disasters of 1944"? Of course, these are fictional for the story. What do you think happened and why?

bye bye <3