Who the hell am I (english version)

He doesn't know you. He will.

Fury and Maria have once again briefed us on the operation of the Helicarrier and how we need to swap out the Blades so they target each other and destroy themselves. The primary function of the carriers in "Project Insight" is to identify and eliminate potential threats through satellite data in real-time before they can manifest, meaning that individuals Hydra perceives as potential future adversaries will be tracked and wiped out. They act as mobile command centers, used both for attacks and tactical surveillance. These are highly deadly warships. The Blades are mounted in the middle of the ships' hulls. This position is among the hardest to reach, making our situation even more difficult, as to get there one must either fly or traverse the entire ship. I reluctantly admit it, but I'm terrified of tomorrow, an unimaginable fear. It's not the knowledge we already have about Hydra's plan that chills me, but rather the thought of what we don't know. What else they might be planning, and especially, what will happen if we fail. If that happens, the Helicarriers will be our smallest problem.

I look towards the horizon, slowly swallowing the setting sun, and feel how the silence of the moment clears my thoughts. I am increasingly aware that the threat from Hydra isn't the only thing troubling me. There's something else, something much deeper within me, and perhaps what I fear even more: myself. It seems almost absurd how desperately I try to convince myself that my unease is only due to the impending battle. Yet deep inside me, a volcano rages, its heat pulsing through my veins like an untamed inferno. The fire within me, which I can't quite explain, feels oddly familiar, as if it's always been there, just hidden. I let small flames dance across my fingertips and watch them closely as they flicker and reflect the surroundings. These feelings, burning deep inside me, are dangerous—not just to me but to everyone around me. I mustn't lose control. With a determined breath, I clench my fist, and the flames extinguish instantly. But the heat remains, deep inside me, and I know it won't be easily smothered, no matter how hard I try.

Steve stands beside me, arms crossed, his face bathed in the orange light of the setting sun. Normally, I enjoy his presence, but right now it feels as if we're infinitely far apart. He's withholding something from me, just as Nat is, and when this is over, I want answers. But now is not the time. I can't even imagine what thoughts are running through his mind, what guilt he carries for all this, and above all, how it feels to know that he and his best friend will face each other in a few hours. He had to watch his friend plummet to his death, witness his return 70 years later, only for the possibility that Steve might have to kill him himself. It all sounds so damn surreal. I wish I could do something for him to ease his worries, but there's nothing I can do. None of us can.

"You know he'll be there," I hear Sam say, and I look over at him and Nat, who are approaching us. The Winter Soldier is probably Hydra's strongest weapon after the Helicarriers, so they won't keep him out of this fight. That's a risk, but it also gives us the chance to get close enough to Bucky. "Yes, though," Steve replies, sounding almost resigned. All of this feels so hopeless, and we don't even know what they've really done to Bucky. During the fight on the street, he didn't even know his own name. "It's amazing how easily memories can be taken away." Arnim Zola's words echo in my head, and only now do I fully grasp what they've done. The thought makes my stomach churn. Erasing someone's memories must be unimaginably cruel. "What are you thinking, Elora?" I hear Nat ask and glance over at her. Erasing someone's memories is pure torture. You take away everything they know and who they are. I squint as the full extent of it dawns on me, looking at Nat, Sam, and Steve in turn. "Zola told me that it's amazing how easily memories can be taken," I finally answer Nat's question, and the realization dawns on everyone. Bucky isn't fighting for Hydra willingly; they've turned him into a soldier without memories. A soldier who knows nothing but serving Hydra. "They've erased his memory," Steve says, gripping the stone railing of the bridge so tightly that it splinters in some places.

"Who ever he used to be and the guy he is now, I don't think he is the kind you save; but more the kind that has to be stopped," Sam says as cautiously as possible, though he can't bring himself to look Steve in the eye. He doesn't want to be the one to make Steve understand this, wants to take some of the burden from him, but he must also grasp what this all means. Bucky remembers nothing, and no one knows how successful Hydra's methods have been in erasing his memories. I can't blame Sam for thinking this way. If you didn't know Bucky, you'd see him as the enemy now, but Steve doesn't see him that way, and neither do I. Damn, he tried to kill me and my friends; with anyone else, I'd be preparing for a fight to the death. But I know better than anyone else what it's like to wake up in a world and know nothing. Not knowing who you are, where you come from, or what you've experienced in your life. Like a little child who knows nothing about life and is taught what's right. Bucky was taught that it's right to kill for Hydra. As I think about this, my stomach does another somersault. What if Hydra... No. I was told I lost my memories in a car accident, and even though I don't believe it, it doesn't make sense for Hydra to be behind it. It wouldn't make sense, because why would they let me roam free and recruit me for S.H.I.E.L.D if they could have just captured me? They wouldn't give someone the chance to gather new memories or rediscover old ones.

"I don't know if I can do that," Steve replies to Sam's statement, watching the last rays of the sun. "Steve," it's barely more than a whisper, but he hears me clearly; his gaze immediately shifts to me, and I see so much suffering in it. A weight on his shoulders, heavy as a mountain, slowly trying to crush him. No matter what comes, he should know that we will stand behind him in every decision. "We'll find a solution," I say, and I mean it. We won't stop until we've figured it out. There has to be a way to make him remember. "He might not give us a choice. He doesn't know you," Sam replies, and now he looks Steve straight in the eye. That's true too; we can't run from him forever if he comes to fight, and I don't think tea time is on his agenda. "He will, and I already have an idea on how to make him remember," Steve says. I'm eager to hear this plan. "Well then, let's get moving. Are you ready?" I ask, and everyone nods in agreement. Sam pats Steve on the shoulder, and Nat and I exchange reassuring smiles. We can do this. Steve slowly walks backward across the bridge towards the forest. "Are you really going to war in those clothes?" Sam asks skeptically. I wouldn't say my outfit is particularly combat-ready either. "No, if you're going to war, you wear a uniform," Steve says with a grin and continues walking away from us. Please don't be what I think.

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It's incredibly hard to put Elora's emotional state into words right now. She's completely torn between having no idea what's going on and slowly peeking behind the facade. You're probably thinking HOW DUMB IS SHE and I can't really blame you xD

We're rapidly approaching the showdown; it's just a question of how she will eventually find out the truth about what really happened and what she will do then.

See you tomorrow <3