Self image (The nursery nurse, Carly)

Chapter 1: Jump

Tw: Self harm and Suicide (tiny bit of sexual harassment but it's not seen just mentioned)

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Carly sighed with annoyance with how cold it was despite it only being a few weeks into Autumn. Autumn.. how would she react? Her and Carly had barley ever talked and Carly thought Autumn was a bit scary but from what Charlotte told her she was a protective and nice even if she is a bit closed off.

Carly looked around her surroundings, she could hear the comforting sound of rain hit onto the leaves above the smaller trees or which she was walking under.

Carly turned her head and looked back the way she had came "Should I be doing this?" She thought for a moment before casting that thought out of her mind and continuing further down the route. She had been planning this for weeks, maybe even months she cannot back out now. Everything was in place.

Carly pulls her hoodie's hood over her messy ponytail. She had only just left the nursery and she had purposely left her phone behind to make sure no one could talk her out of it.

The young girl hits a branch out of the way only for it to come back and get her in the shoulder. She slowly pulls up her sleeve, her eyes lingering on the cuts some of the had re-opened at work and she was lucky that Charlotte hadn't noticed.

Deciding that her bleeding cuts didn't matter too much she pulled her sleeve higher checking if the branch had cut her, no, it hadn't. The girls jumper was definitely the reason it wasn't bleeding, it had prevented the full impact most of it went into the thick jumper.

"This is stupid!" She shouts aloud to herself. She drops her sleeve and continues along the trail.

The forest was getting particularly dense now. It was getting darker which meant it was harder to see. As long as she got to the bridge she did not care what happened.

She heard animals moving around in the wilderness, she took some food out of her pocket and threw it to them. She was pretty sure that it wasn't harmful to them.

She hears the rain come to a stop, she decides to sit down for a bit.

She slides her back down an old looking oak tree. It reminded her of that time Carly was showing Charlotte a tree house her siblings had made. She was grateful for Charlotte. She was the main reason Carly had kept going for so long. Maybe, just maybe if Carly was stronger and didn't relapse on her eating disorder Charlotte wouldn't be so upset all the time.

Charlotte had always said it was just problems at home with her husband but Carly didn't believe her. It didn't help that Mia had came a long and tried to make her feel even worse about herself than she already did!

Agh, Mia. Its always Mia. What had she done to Mia. Nothing! Absolutely nothing. Mia was just a stuck up rich girl who used "daddy's money".

"Wait, she doesn't have a dad. Hmm.. would it be Roger's money then? I can't be asked to think about this right now"

The seventeen year old stood up ready to start walking again. Hopefully no one would find her note and come get her before she could do it.

Carly began checking things off.

"Tided my room, check."
"Give Charlotte a hug, check."
"Give Reece a hug, check."
"Give my family a hug, check."
"Sent a text to all of my friends before I left the nursery, check"
"Left the note on the nursery staff room table, check."
"Left a note for my family, check"
"Left a not for everyone at work, check"

"Fuck yeah! I've done everything I don't needa go back and do anything!"

Carly continues her track through the thick forest. She lost the path every so often but she always found the way back to it.

The girl had come here everyday for weeks to make sure it was possible to attempt here. It was, although if someone found her a few minutes after and did CPR or something she'd probably end up surviving but no one was going to come. If anyone found the note they probably didn't care.

She thinks back to her dog. For whatever reason she was worried for her. Carly always made sure to feed the poor thing whenever it was hungry. She definitely wouldn't die from starvation but her sisters probably weren't going to share their left overs with the dog.

She reaches into her pocket for her phone before forgetting she had left it at the nursery.

While Carly continues walking she feels an overwhelming sense of comfort and relief, the breeze was quiet but every so often a nice breeze came through the thickness of the trees.

Carly wondered yet again if she should do this. But just as she wondered the bridge she was getting to came into view.

The bridge was old and wooden. It was more then likely a trading route for two villages back in the Victorian times. Carly wasn't too sure though, she had tried to search it but it was so long forgotten that no results came up.

"No backing out now." Carly thought herself a bit sadly but she was mostly happy about this.

As she stepped out onto the open bridge she felt a nice breeze. She stood there for at least ten minutes just feeling it and enjoying what were probably going to be her last minutes on earth.

The clouds from the earlier rain had now cleared and the sun was setting which painted the sky in a beautiful orange and pink colour. She had always loved the sunset. Anytime she was on holiday she'd always take pictures and would send them to Charlotte or some of her friends although her friends probably wouldn't reply.

Charlotte would do the same in return anytime she was on holiday or there was a pretty sunset she'd send pictures of it to the young girl. Charlotte was like a second mum to her.

The teen crouched down and tried to undo her laces. It took a few minutes because she decide to triple knot them after they kept undoing themselves in an activity with the children.

"Sorscha had told me this wasn't a good idea." Carly groans before realising she hadn't given her a hug nor with Marjorie.

"Fuck it, I'm already at the bridge I'm not turning back like an attention seeking asshole."

Her mother whenever Carly tried to talk to her about anything she was struggling with accused her of attention seeking or doing it because it was 'cool'.

Despite it being semi-bright in the open when Carly turned to look at the path she had came it was completely dark she was barley able to see 10 metres into the forest. She didn't care too much though. She was gonna die today, and she was looking forward to it.

No more ugly body, annoying voice, creepy old men trying to get in her pants somehow, no more being a disappointment, no more eating disorder. She could just.. be peaceful.

She didn't have to care if she was dead, she didn't have to think, talk, see, hear ever again. She wouldn't have to think what she thought of herself, she wouldn't have to force herself to talk to creepy men, she would no longer be able to see the people that looked at her with disgust and she wouldn't have to hear what people say behind her back anymore.

She thinks back to about two years ago, just before Maddoson left. Carly had liked Maddison and had promised her that she'd wait to see her again. But now if she ever came back Carly wasn't going to be there.

A few tears made their way down the girls cheek and fell onto the multi-coloured hoodie.

"I'm not that girl anymore though. I'm not the girl that promised not to hurt herself." She whispers before sitting on the bridges ledge.

Any other times she would of been scared, terrified even. But now, she just felt calm.

The girl closed her eyes and with one last 'sorry' threw herself over the edge. She had heard some running from the forest but it was probably just an animal of some sort.

Carly felt the wind rushing past her face and smiled one last time before making impact with the floor.