Dead Ends // Hugh Jackman

Chapter 24

Christmas comes too soon. It's my least favorite holiday, because that's when I go back to my hometown and see my entire family. I moved away from there for a reason, but every year I travel with Milo to visit them.

We have to drive to San Antonio and take a plane out of the airport there to get to there. It's only a couple hours away from Wharton, but I dread it.

The whole reason Milo gets so easily irritated and angry is a trait he's gotten from our father. He's been doing better now being so far away from home. He's gotten a better control on it, especially when I'm around to keep him in check, but being surrounded by such toxicity might revert him a little into who he once was before he left.

I think he realized then that he was becoming the kind of person who brought so much pain in our lives as we grew up. He was turning into our father, but in an attempt to be better, he came to Wharton. Already, he was making changes in his life that our father was never willing to do, even though he was aware of how controlling and manipulative he was. He knew how it was affecting Milo and I, but did nothing to stop it.

It's never made any sense to me. He knew what he was doing was wrong, yet he continued to do it anyway. Continued to hurt my mom, Milo, and I. Some of it was in similar ways, and others entirely different.

For Milo, he never got it as hard, because of his genetics. Being born a boy already made things easier for him. Not always, but his consequences were always less than what I got.

I don't even want to think about that. I've spent the past 2 years pushing it to the back of my mind and pretending none of it ever happened. I've done all I can to escape that part of my life. I hate that I have to return to it every year when I wish I could keep avoiding it entirely. It just keeps reopening old wounds.

"Hey, you okay?"

Milo's question brings me out of my thoughts as we pull into the parking area if the airport, where you can leave them for the duration of your trip.

This isn't like the one I went with Hugh. This won't be fun at all.

It's been long enough now that I can think about him without wanting to cry. He's no longer the reason I'm not okay.

I'm not because of where we're going.

"No." I give him a one word answer. When it comes family, specifically our father, I don't like to talk much about it.

So, all Milo does is nod his head in recognition. "Right."

We get off the car, took out luggage off the car, and headed into the airport. Checking in and going through security takes a little while, but it's not too much longer until we're finally boarding the plane.

My heart plummets even more as we get settled in our seats. The flight is going to be hours. That's how little time I have left of freedom. Our parents will be there at Salt Lake airport to pick us up. Then, I'll have to put on a mask the entire time I'm there, like there's nothing wrong when it usually always is.

Milo and I don't talk for the entire flight knowing what we're going to be putting ourselves through again. We distract ourselves as best as we can with methods that work for us.

I listen to music and read while he plays an offline game on his phone. We won't be able to do either of these things while we're in Salt Lake, so we enjoy what liberties we have.

It feels like it happens much too soon when we land. What was hours shortens into minutes. The anxiety I've gotten some what a hold on is at an all time high, and it will be for the 2 weeks we'll be here.

It sucks to end this year and start a new one in a place that's like a prison. That house are the four walls to my cell, one I share with the person who keeps me captive there. The only good thing is I'm not alone, but it's also terrible knowing that I'm not the only one there.