Love and Resilience

Bound by Love, Torn by Fear

SERENA’S POV

It’s been three days since I broke up with Jovana at the rooftop, and every minute since has felt like an eternity. Each time my phone buzzes, my heart sinks deeper into my chest. I know it’s Jovana, sending me another message. Begging to understand. Asking why. Wanting to talk. To fix things.

And every time, all I can do is type the same response: “I need to figure it out on my own.”

That’s all I can say because how do I explain to the person I love that I left her to protect her? How do I tell to Jovana, who’s been nothing but love and kindness, that I didn’t want her to suffer because of me? That I couldn’t stand the thought of her going through what she did when her mother died. And now, knowing that I’m going through the same thing… that I have cancer. I couldn’t bear it.

It’s selfish, I know. To break her heart without telling her the truth. But this isn’t something Jovana can fix. She’s an oncologist, and if she knew… she’d try to save me. She would do everything in her power to keep me alive, even if it meant sacrificing her own well-being. I couldn’t let her do that. Not after what she went through with her mom.

I glance at my phone again, seeing her name flash on the screen. I don’t open the message. I can’t. Instead, I clutch it tightly in my hand, my heart aching. It’s been three days, and every day feels heavier than the last.

My mom has been trying to hold it together for my sake. She found a hospital in the US with good doctors and promising treatment options for my condition. Two days from now, we’ll be on a plane to leave the country, and I’ll be starting my fight against this disease. It feels surreal. I don’t know what’s scarier leaving everything behind, including Jovana, or facing the reality of what lies ahead.

A knock on my bedroom door pulls me from my thoughts. "Serena, anak. Nandito ang mga kaibigan mo."

I take a deep breath, pushing myself off the bed and trying to compose myself. They’ve been texting, asking to hang out for the past few days, but I’ve been too emotionally exhausted to see anyone. Now they’re here, and I know I can’t keep avoiding them forever.

I walk downstairs to the living room, where my friends, Ava, Sabrina and Mary, are sitting, talking quietly with my mom. As soon as they see me, their expressions change, concern etched into their faces. I try to smile, but it feels forced.

“Hey, guys,” I greet them softly, sitting down across from them.

Maey is the first to speak. “Serena, we’ve been worried. You’ve been AVA for days. What’s going on?”

Sabrina nods in agreement, her eyes searching mine. “We’ve been trying to reach you, pero ang dalang mo naman mag reply sa text namin. Okay ka lang ba?"

I glance at my mom, who gives me a small nod of encouragement. She’s been my rock through all of this, but now it’s time to tell the people who matter to me what’s really going on.

I take a deep breath, feeling the weight of the words before I even say them. “I… I’ve been hiding something from you. Something big.”

Mary frowns, leaning forward. "Anong ibig mont sabihin? Ano ba nangyayari?"

I bite my lip, my hands trembling slightly. “I found out a few weeks ago… that I have cancer.”

The room falls into an uncomfortable silence. Mary, Ava and Sabrina stare at me, their faces frozen in shock. Sabrina’s hand flies to her mouth, and Mary’s eyes widen in disbelief and Ava did the same thing.

“Cancer?” Ava whispers, her voice shaky. “Serena… no…”

I nod slowly, my heart pounding in my chest. “It’s real. I went through all the tests, and it’s confirmed. I didn’t want to tell anyone at first, not even my mom, but now…” I glance at my mother, who looks back at me with tearful eyes. “We’ve found a hospital in the US that specializes in my condition. We’re leaving in two days.”

Ava leans back, still trying to process what I just said. “This is… Hindi ko alam ang sasabihin ko, Serena. How are you holding up? I mean, cancer… it’s… it’s serious.”

I look down at my hands, my fingers fiddling with the edge of my shirt. “Natatakot ako. Takot na takot. But I’m trying to stay hopeful. My mom’s been helping me a lot. And the doctors in the US seem optimistic, but…” My voice falters as the next part of my confession bubbles up. “There’s something else.”

Sabrina, still pale from the shock, reaches out and takes my hand. “What is it?”

I hesitate, my chest tightening. "Nakipag hiwalay na ko kay Jovana 3 days ago."

“What?” Mary exclaims, her voice loud with surprise. “You… nakipag hiwalay ka kay Jovana? Bakit? Mukha naman kayong masaya ha."

Sabrina looks equally shocked. “Serena, bakit mo ginawa yon? I mean, mahal ka naman ni Jovana diba.”

I look away, guilt pressing down on me like a weight I can’t lift. “I know she does. And I love her too. That’s why I had to end things.”

“Wait, what?” Ava leans forward, confused. "Nakipag hiwalay ka kay Jovana kasi mahal mo siya? That doesn’t make sense, Serena.”

I feel the tears building again, and I take a shaky breath. “It’s because of the cancer. I didn’t tell her. I didn’t want her to know. Jovana lost her mom to cancer. She watched her go through hell, and I can’t… I can’t put her through that again. I can’t be the reason she suffers.”

Sabrina’s eyes widen with understanding. "Nakipag hiwalay ka sa kanya para protektahan sya? ganon ba?"

I nod, wiping away a stray tear. “I didn’t want her to have to go through this with me. I thought if I left, it would be easier for her. But now… Pero ngayon... hindi ko alam kung tama ba yung ginawa. I’ve been thinking about her constantly. Every day she’s been texting me, asking why I left, saying she wants to fix things, but I can’t bring myself to tell her the truth.”

Mary shakes her head slowly, still trying to wrap his head around everything. “Serena, na-ge-gets ko na gusto mo lang protektahan si Jovana, but… don’t you think Jovana would want to be there for you? She loves you. She would want to fight this with you.”

I press my lips together, struggling with the inner turmoil that’s been eating away at me. “I know she would. But I can’t let her go through that. I don’t want to be a burden on her.”

Ava squeezes my hand gently. “You’re not a burden, Serena. You’re her girlfriend. She deserves to know the truth. And maybe, just maybe, mas gugustuhin nya makasama ka nya sa ganitong parte ng buhay mo kesa hindi ka nya kasama pero nahihirapan sya, not knowing why you pushed her away.”

I close my eyes, feeling a fresh wave of guilt wash over me. Everything they’re saying is right, but it doesn’t make the fear any less real. I don’t want to break Jovana’s heart, but I already have. And the worst part is, she has no idea why.

“My decision is final” I admit, my voice trembling. “I don’t want to tell her my condition."

Mary leans forward, her voice softer now. “Serena, you’re not going through this alone. You have us, your mom, and whether you realize it or not, Jovana’s still with you too. Kahit ayaw mong sabihin sa kanya.”

I nod slowly, feeling the weight of their words. But deep down, I’m still afraid. Afraid of hurting Jovana more than I already have. Afraid of what the future holds. Afraid of what this disease might take from me.

But as I sit there with my friends, their support surrounding me, I can’t help but wonder if maybe I made the right decision.