Love and Resilience

Unspoken Truths

Serena's POV

Nandito ako ngayon sa hospital garden, ninanamnam ang sariwang hangin and init na nag gagaling sa araw. Alas otso pa lamang ng umaga pero kahit ganitong oras na pakiramdam ko ang tahimik pa rin ng mundo. Dalawang araw na ang nakalipas simula nung nag chemotherapy ako, pero hindi pa rin maalis sa isip ko ang sinabi ng doctor sakin tungkol kay Jovana.

I try to push the thoughts away, but they keep creeping back. She admitted her feelings to Jovana right in front of me. She didn’t even flinch, didn’t hesitate. Part of me understands her honesty, but another part of me... aches. I’m the one who walked away, the one who thought leaving was the best option.

I hear footsteps approaching from behind, pulling me out of my thoughts. I don’t have to turn around to know who it is. Jovana’s presence always feels familiar, like a warmth I’ve missed for too long.

"Kamusta pakiramdam mo ngayon?"  she asks softly, her voice gentle yet heavy with concern.

I glance at her, noticing the pallor of her face. She’s still not feeling well. It’s written in her eyes, in the way she carries herself, as though something deeper is weighing her down.

"Maayos naman, how about you? Narinig ko kay Doc Cassandra na nag kasakit ka. I reply, though we both know it's a half-truth.

She takes a step closer, her gaze piercing through me in that way only she can manage. And then she brings up the one topic I’ve been avoiding.  "Okay naman na ako ngayon, thank you for asking. Anw, Serena... was your condition the real reason why you broke up with me?”

I freeze, swallowing hard. My heart tightens as I realize there’s no escaping this conversation anymore. I nod, unable to lie to her.

Jovana’s eyes search mine for something an answer, a reason, anything. "Ginawa mo yon kasi gusto mo akong protektahan, diba?"

I take a deep breath. “Yes,” I whisper. “To protect you from the pain... the pain of knowing about my condition. I didn’t want you to go through the agony of watching me fight this, not knowing if I’d make it.”

She frowns, her lips pressing together in frustration. “Protect me from what, Serena? Sa sakit namararamdaman ko kung sakali na hindi mo maipanalo 'tong laban na 'to? O yung sakit pag nalaman kong wala kana at hindi ko man lang nalaman ang totoong dahilan kung bakit ka nawala. Hindi mo man lang naisip na mas masasaktan ako dahil nalaman kong nawala ka sakin dahil sa sakit na yan at wala man lang akong nagawa, hindi ka ba nagtitiwala sakin? hindi ka ba nag titiwala sa kakayahan ko, Serena?

Her words strike me like a blow, and I look away, guilt rising in my chest. I thought I was doing the right thing by keeping her away from this, by trying to save her from the worst possible outcome. But now, seeing her standing here, I realize I may have caused more harm than I ever intended.

I took a deep breath, her eyes downcast as I struggled to find the words. I had rehearsed this moment in my head countless times but never imagined how difficult it would be to say out loud.

“I owe you an apology, Jovana,” I began softly. "Umalis ako kasi.... natatakot ako hindi para sa sarili ko, kundi para sayo. Alam ko kung paano nawala ang mommy mo sayo and alam ko rin kung gaano ka nadurog, nag suffer at nag struggle dahil sa pagkawala nya. Hindi ko kayang isipin na ilalagay ulit kita sa ganoong sitwasyon. Iniwan kita kasi ayokong pagdaanan mo ulit yung pinagdaanan mo noon."

“Serena,” Jovana said, her voice thick with emotion. “Losing my mom was the hardest thing I’ve ever been through. But that was… different. I didn’t get the chance to fight for her. She was gone before I could do anything. But you...” Jovana paused, her eyes searching for my face. “You’re here. At kaya na kitang ipaglaban."