Love and Resilience

In the Shadow of Loss

JOVANA'S POV

Months had passed, each day marked by a gnawing sense of loss as I searched tirelessly for Serena. Despite my efforts, she remained elusive.

Today, though, was supposed to be a day of celebration. I had just graduated from my oncology fellowship, a milestone I had worked so hard for. As I stood there, surrounded by colleagues offering congratulations, I tried to smile, but the ache of missing Serena and my mom was ever-present.

After the ceremony, my dad headed home to prepare for a small celebration in my honor. I, on the other hand, made my way to the cemetery. Holding a bouquet of flowers, I approached my mom’s grave. The quiet of the cemetery was a stark contrast to the buzz of the graduation ceremony. Kneeling in front of her headstone, I placed the flowers gently on the ground.

"Hi, mom,"  I began, my voice trembling. “I did it. I finished my oncology fellowship.” I paused, the weight of my emotions almost too much to bear. “I wish you could have been here to see it. I know you would have been proud.”

I took a deep breath, trying to steady myself. “You remember Serena, right? The girl I told you about? The one who made me so happy? And the one that I brought here? She… she left. I don’t know where she is or why she left, but she did. And it hurts so much, Mom. She didn’t even say goodbye. It’s like she just vanished.”

Tears began to fall as I continued speaking to her grave. “I miss her so much. I can’t stop thinking about her. I remember the way she looked at me, the way she made me feel like I was the only person in the world. And now she’s gone, without any explanation. I don’t understand why she left, why she didn’t tell me. I feel so lost without her.”

My cries were raw, each sob feeling like it came from a place deep within my heart. I hugged my knees to my chest, the grief overwhelming me. "Gusto ko lang nama malaman, Ma. Gust ko lang din maintindihan kung anong nangyayari. Ilang buwan na akong  naghahanap ng sagot, Ma. Pero wala akong mahanap parang pinagkakait sakin yung katotohanan, ang hirap Ma."

I sat there, the tears flowing freely as I spoke to my mom, pouring out the pain and confusion that had been building inside me. It felt like time stood still as I tried to find some comfort in the quiet presence of my mother.

Eventually, I wiped my tears and said my goodbyes. "Susubukan kong maging malakas, Ma. Alam kong yun ang gusto mo. Sana lang kung nasan ka man at si Serena sana masaya kayo at proud kayo sakin."

When I arrived back at my dad’s house, the celebration was in full swing. Friends and family mingled, their laughter and chatter a stark contrast to the sorrow I carried with me. I forced a smile and joined the festivities, trying to be present for my friends and family. Connie, one of my closest friends, approached me.

“Jovana, congratulations!” Connie said, her eyes shining with genuine happiness. “I’m so proud of you. Alam kong pinaghirapan mo 'to nang matagal."

“Thanks, Connie,” I replied, managing a weak smile.

Connie seemed to sense that something was off. “Is everything okay? You seem… distant.”

I hesitated but decided to confide in her. “It’s just… it’s been really hard. I’ve been trying to find someone who’s important to me, and it’s been taking a toll. It’s supposed to be a happy day, but I can’t shake this feeling of emptiness.”

Connie nodded understandingly. “If you need to talk, I’m here for you. I know today was supposed to be a celebration, but it’s okay to feel what you’re feeling.”

The party eventually wound down, and after everyone had left, I retreated to my room. The quiet of my room was a welcome contrast to the noise of the party. I took out the framed picture of Serena from my drawer and sat on the edge of my bed, gazing at her smiling face.

“I don’t know if you can hear me,” I whispered, tears streaming down my face once more. “But I miss you so much, Serena. I can’t stop thinking about you. It hurts to know that you’re out there somewhere, and I don’t know why you left or where you are.”

I held the picture close, my heart aching. "Serena, gustong-gusto kong maintindihan yung dahilan kung bakit moko iniwan at bakit ka nalang biglang nawala. Sana naman pinaintindi mo sakin para hindi ako nahihirapan."

I continued to cry, clutching the picture as if it could somehow bring her back to me. The room was filled with the sound of my sobs as I poured out my heart to the image of the woman I loved. In that moment, it felt like she was the only one who could truly understand the depth of my pain.

As the night wore on, I eventually fell asleep with Serena’s picture clutched in my hand, the grief and longing still fresh but tempered by the faint hope that someday, somehow, I would find the answers I so desperately needed.