The End is Only the Beginning

Chapter 10-I'm Not Ok

TRIGGER WARNING: Mentions of suicide and self harm.

I woke up in a hospital bed with Ponyboy sitting on the side of me. The bright lights fled into my eyes. The room looked like the waiting room, boring and depressing. I looked down and saw my leg bandaged up a ton, when I looked at my right arm I saw Ivs and a ton of cords. I turned to my left and saw a thing wrap of gauze over my wrist. I froze, someone knew. Probably Darry, but someone definitely knew. I had tried so hard for people to not know, and here I was in the hospital. And someone knew. I tried to calm myself down and see why I was in the hospital, it should have been Mike. He was the one that got slashed. There was a machine next to me that beeping and showing my heart rate. At first it was fun to watch but the beeping quickly became very annoying. I looked around the room confused, the last thing I remembered was the forest. After a few minutes I noticed Darry was outside the door talking to someone. It looked like he was talking to Two-Bit or maybe Steve, I really couldn't tell from the angle. A nurse walked into the room and stood next to the computer the was on a table besides my bed.

"Pony? What happened?" I asked in faint, soft voice.

"You're alive! Oh my god, Darry she's alive!" he got up and hugged me, I hugged him back very confused. Was I really asleep for so long that he thought I had died? When I looked at him, his face was all red and his eyes were super puffy. He had been crying.

"Well yeah I'm alive... why wouldn't I be?" I asked.

Darry walked in, " You got shot in the leg by that Mike guy. Do you not remember?"

"...W-what? No, I was the one that cut him, he never shot me." I said, trying to convince myself that Mike was innocent and that I was the bad guy. I think I wanted to give myself a reason to die.

"Ok, no more questions it'll just stress her out more," the nurse looked at me, "Sweetheart you just rest."

I nodded and laid my head back down. I didn't know what Darry was talking about, I had not been shot. Sodapop was shot, not me. I had cut Mike, he had never shot anyone, I was the one who was guilty. He had only fired the gun in the air, I thought. He wasn't pointing it at us. I looked back down at my leg and looked at the nurse's computer. Sure enough it had the words, 'bullet wound'. I stared at the computer as my eyes grew. I could not believe it, I had been shot! There must have been a mistake, I felt fine. I was the one who should have been in trouble, not Mike. Again, I think I just wanted a reason to kill myself. I laid my head on my pillow and slowly dozed off as I told myself that I would be fine.

I woke up a few hours later to the sound of yelling. It sounded like my mom and Darry. I sat up and saw Darry yelling at my mom right outside the door. I had never seen Darry like this. He looked like he was going to blow his top off, he had never been this mad. At least I had never seen him this mad. Ponyboy grabbed my hand tightly and his eyes were locked on my mom.

He yelled, "You hit her! You do not get to go in there! She doesn't want to see you!"

My mom looked like she was going to hit him, "She is my daughter! I have every right to see her!" I was glad that Darry wouldn't let her see me. She was the last person I wanted to see. But suddenly my mom managed to shove past Darry and make her way into my room.

She screamed," LOOK AT WHAT YOU DID! THANKS TO YOUR STUPID ASS I HAVE TO PAY ALL THESE FUCKING BILLS!" She had never been this mad. She was about to slap me right across the face but Darry grabbed her hand. I looked at her with fear in my eyes, but soon that fear became resentment and anger.

I looked her dead in the eyes and said, "Go fucking die! Ok I don't give a shit anymore, you can go die in a ditch for all I care. But I hope you know that YOUR the reason why dad left, not me, YOU." I said with my voice shaking, I was about to start crying but I held it together. I hated her so much, I really did wish she was dead. She didn't care about me, she only cared about herself. She would never care for anyone but herself. It was then that I realized why my dad left, he left left because my mom only cared about herself. She was abusive, I had just never noticed it before. I remembered when I was younger I would set my alarm for 5 in the morning so that I would wake up and be out of the house before my mom was awake. I remembered my sister helping me put makeup on over my bruises before I went to school everyday so that my teachers wouldn't worry. I was 9.