Am I Really A Criminal?

I

AIRAC 1

"Senate hearing na ulit ni Amy Wang."

Tuwang-tuwa na sabi ng katrabaho ko. It hasn't even been an hour since I got here sa office pero eto na agad yung topic. Another day in the office where, unsurprisingly, we're once again glued to a political circus. I find it ironic how the supposed hearings and legislative debates have become entertainment—nothing productive ever comes out of them, yet we watch them like a never-ending soap opera.

It irks me whenever those videos are resurfacing through the internet. Pa'no ba naman kasi? Kitang kita kung gaano ka-stupido ang mga namumuno sa bansang 'to. Iisa lang 'yung matino. May dalawang lalaki na sobra ang pagkahipokrito na tila ba nagka-amnesia sa pakikipagkaisa nilang i-legalize yung napaka-illegal na company dito sa bansa. Parang scripted na yata 'to. Is this what we've come to? A stage where hypocrisy, stupidity, and sheer incompetence rule?

Minsan nakakahiya na talaga sabihin kung anong nationality mo lalo na kung puno ng kabobohan yung mga nasa pulitiko. I've lost count of how many times I've been asked, by my colleagues from other countries, about our politics—whether it's about actors being elected or accused plunderers or dictators becoming presidents. When you're faced with such a question, what can you say? "Yes, I'm Filipino." —or maybe I was?

Then there's that twinge of embarrassment in the admission, a sharp pang that reminds you of the disillusionment you feel.

I know and I'm very aware na hindi lang bansa natin yung ganito ang line up ng politicians—may plunder case, drug-user/pusher/addict, artista, at iba pang no relevance ang background to lead a nation. We aren't alone in this tragedy, but still, it's embarrassing. We're not the only nation being run by thieves and entertainers masquerading as leaders, pero iba ang sipa when you're on the receiving end of these idiocies.

It's very disappointing to know that most of those people who voted them ay yung mga matatanda pang galit na galit sa magnanakaw. They, who should be the most discerning, fall for the same tired tricks every time. Mga kababayan ko na galit sa batang bigla-bigla manghahablot ng kwek-kwek or fishball na kinakain mo sa daan, pero tuwang-tuwa sa pagboto sa isang pulitikong magnanakaw. Is this what we've come to?

Imagine? Ikaw na sari-sari store owner, grabe na yung galit sa batang pupuslit ng candy sa tindahan mo or kapitbahay mong di ka binayaran ng utang. Pero yung pagboto mo sa mga walang-kwentang tao ngayon sa pulitika, proud na proud ka pa? It's mind-boggling, really. It's like everyone's living in some twisted alternate reality where the rules of logic and common sense no longer apply. Kung sino pa yung galit na galit sa mga simpleng offense, sila pa yung unang tumatanggap ng kahayupan ng mga nasa itaas.

Careful. You might get red-tagged because of these thoughts.

I know na kayong nagbabasa nito ay gusto ng sabihin sakin yan. Well, I don't care anymore. At some point, you just stop caring about what others think of your opinions, especially when everything around you seems to be burning. With all these news, facts, rumors, and other outlets of truth, nakakapagod ng matakot. And so I refuse to live in fear. I was raised and born in this country. And yet, the more I try to escape it, the more it clings to me.

To add the negativity, I still can't revoke my residency here kahit na may citizenship na ako sa US, UK, and New Zealand. Madadagdag ko nalang yung in-progress citizenship ko sa Switzerland, ayaw pa ako pakawalan dito.

Nakakairita na kaya. It's like being stuck in quicksand—the more I struggle to leave, the deeper I sink. The layers of bureaucracy, the endless paperwork, the red tape—it's almost as if the country itself refuses to let me go.