i sat on the couch, my cat was curled under my hand as 'halloween' played on the tv through the vhs tape. horror movies were one of my favorite things and it was keeping my mind off the issue at hand. being in love with a rockstar wasn't easy but being in love with your best friend was harder. all the built up tension from that came out last night into an argument with jon. he left, saying he'd be back in the morning.
it was around 11 now and i was hoping he'd forgotten or just skipped town, anything that kept him from coming over to finish the argument. unfortunately, the knock on my door reminded me that i could never be that lucky.
with sigh, i got up and walked over to the door, checking myself on the way. i was wearing a tank top and pajama pants but i had to make sure i at least looked decent. when i opened the door for jon, i nodded and opened the door the rest of the way.
we ended up standing on opposite sides of the bar in my kitchen. "so..." he starts. "i told you how i felt-"
"im aware, i just dont know what you expect me to do with that," i snap.
he takes a deep breath before responding. "something- anything. if we both feel the same way i dont understand what's so difficult in this situation." his words make sense for him. he's a rockstar though and im not. i'm in college and i will be for another 3 years, i have a job at the record store down the road, i have a cat. i cant leave when jon goes on tour and i cant put myself through that emotional strain.
"but were not just two people, jon," i say defeatedly as i cross my arms. "your a rockstar and im a college student. it wouldn't work out-"
"you wont even try," he tells me softly, coming around the counter. his hands grab my biceps, holding me as he speaks. "we could figure it out together, if you'd just give me a chance."
i look down, a tear slipping down my cheek. i know how this is gonna end and i dont think i can handle it. when i look back up at him, his features fall into an expression something similar to mine without the tears. "i cant," my voice breaks.
"why wont you try?" he asks, stepping back as his voice raises just a bit.
"because i know how it ends! every time, it ends the same way!" i cry. "theres not one scenario where we dont fall apart because im stuck here!"
he matches my frustration with a groan. "it wouldn't! i'd make sure it didnt but you wont try!"
"i cant do it, jon!"
"why not?"
i sigh as another tear rolls down my cheek. with a softer and quieter tone, i speak again. "because i dont want to lose you if this doesn't work. i cant emotionally handle you being gone for so long and i just cant do it."
jon runs a hand down his face and through his hair before he responds. "baby, i wouldn't be able to be gone that long either. i cant do it now. please," he begs, coming to stand in front of my and softly cupping my cheek. "please just give me one chance."
i stare at him for a long second before i nod. "okay," i sniffle.
he breathes out in relief and leans down but he stops right before his lips meet mine. "can i kiss you?" he whispers. when i nod again, he wastes no time.
his mouth presses softly against mine and he's soft and sweet with it, its almost unbelievable. his hands are on my cheek and the back of my head and mine tangle into his hair. he pulls away, leaning his forehead against mine to catch his breath. even though the kiss was short, it was one of those that took your breath away anyways. "are you sure?" he mumbles.
i take a second to think about the question before i answer. "its you, of course im sure."
