𝐑𝐎𝐂𝐊𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑 𝐈𝐌𝐀𝐆𝐈𝐍𝐄𝐒

𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐰𝐚𝐢𝐭 ⁽ⁿⁱᵏᵏⁱ ˢⁱˣˣ⁾

ending lowkye sucks but when do they not

the person you share all your firsts with is always special. when you got to say that person was probably your person, your soulmate, the person you knew was your time to be happy... it was a completely different level of special. but then again, losing that person came with a completely different level of pain. 

you'd dated nikki sixx for eight years, spanning from 1976 to 1984. when you broke up, the amount of heroin he'd been doing nearly tripled but by that time, you were already gone. you couldn't handle seeing the man you'd fallen in love with turn into a shell that looked like him, seemingly devoid of all real emotions and incapable to showing you the love you'd grown used to over the years. 

you'd heard about him being found in a dumpster in london and you knew that if he didnt put effort into fixing his addiction, he was going to die. you accepted that after two years of being miserable and alone. the process of getting over a person became even harder when you were both in the same industry. 

backstage at on of your shows in 1986, you met jon bon jovi and soon after, you started dating.

 you were laying in bed awake as the fan blew your hair and the sheets, the moonlight casting an eerie shadow through the curtains of the window. you rolled onto your side and started tracing the side of jons face with nimble fingers while you counted the nearly invisible freckles on the apples of his cheeks. 

when a loud, shrill echoed into the house, you jumped a bit but rolled back over to grab the phone. it was two in the morning, who the hell would be calling you at this hour? "hello?" you answered groggily. 

"yn, i need to tell you something and you can't freak out," a familiar voice spoke shakily. 

your brows furrowed as you sat up. "tommy? its two in the morning, what-"

"nikki died."

your jaw dropped, the phone slipping from your fingers and landing in your lap. tommy's yelling was drowned out by the ringing in your ears. nikki was dead? what? 

"hey!" 

you picked up the phone and put it back up to your ears, fighting off the tears. you took deep breaths as you tried to answer through gritted teeth. "what happened?"

"hes not dead, he died. he's okay now-well as okay as you can be. he was pronounced dead for two minutes but he's not anymore," tommy quickly told you. 

it seemed as though the impending weight had been lifted of your shoulder but you werent sure why. it didn't matter if nikki was dead or not, you werent going to see him any time soon. you wanted to—felt like you needed to—but you knew it would've been wrong. there's no reason to, you knew he was alive and that was all you needed to know. "he's alive?"

"and asking for you. he said he was leaving if you weren't here in the next five minutes," he sighed. "yn, i don't expect you to come down here but-"

"ill be right there."

that was almost a year ago now. when you'd gotten to the hospital, nikki was just walking out the door. he looked awful. he was pale, bloated and essentially, he still looked dead. it was scary. 

with a lot of help and perseverance, he'd managed to get sober. you had been spending more time with the motleys after tommy told you that being there was helping keep nikki in check. and now, as of july 23 of 1989, he'd been sober for almost a full year. 

you and jon had broken up after you told him everything that had been going on. it was messy at first but in the end, he seemed to understand. being around nikki was still hard but you were working on that yourself. 

you were sitting with nikki on your back porch, watching the sun go down. the orange hues sunk beneath the barren hills of montana. you'd chosen to move there for the solitude as your nearest neighbors were at least 15 miles down the road either way. "do you think..." nikki started, sighing as he trailed off. "nevermind."

you looked up at him, confused. "no, what is it?"

he looked down, licking lips before he looked back at you. "do you think if i wouldn't have started heroin, we'd still be together?" 

taken aback by the question, you felt the breath leave your lungs. you weren't sure what to do or say. how were you supposed to answer that question? you could lie and say no, taking the blame off him for heroin but then he'd ask 'why' and you'd have to find a way to black it on something else. or you could tell the truth and say yes. either way, you felt like answering the question was gonna be like opening pandoras box. 

while you were still sputtering, nikki decided he'd give you a chance to collect your thoughts. "ill go first, i think we would be." you felt a burning behind your eyes as you listened to him talk. "doing heroin was so fucking stupid, i know that. i know that what im saying now, might not make any difference to you. but i never stopped loving you."

"i never stopped loving you either," you sniffled, not bothering to wipe away the tears that had slid down your cheeks. "but i can't trust you, nikki, you lied to me."

"i know," he turns his body to face yours. "but if you think you can learn to trust me again, if i can earn that back..."

you nod slowly, still not looking away from where your fingers were twisting your rings. "you could."

"then i will. take however much you time you need, ill wait."

his words sent a fresh ache through your chest. no one had ever waited for you, not the way he had 13 years ago. why would he want to now? "why?" you finally look up at him through tear-soaked lashes. 

he gingerly reaches up to cup your cheek, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear as he does so. "because your it for me. whether its today, tomorrow, a year or decades from now, that'll never change."

"your it for me too," you mumble after a minute, placing your hand on his. 

he smiles down at you, putting his other hand on your face as well. "can i kiss you?" 

you smile softly a nod, allowing him to press his lips to yours. your bottom lip is between his and even though theres really no movement, the passion and the love that's felt through the kiss is enough to knock the air out of both of you. 

but thats okay. because that passion and that love will still be there. today, tomorrow, a year or decades, it'll still be there. when your reincarnated in your next life, it'll still be there. and in every universe that exists, it'll still be there. and in every one of those scenario's, it'll still be there because he waited.