Healed

1 day at a time

Grand rising feeling a little better, now let's clean and pack and look places to rent. The new surge of determination that found me today is thrilling. Turn on the tv and open YouTube and start to play gospel ..... everyone knows that early morning gospel and rnb when cleaning is the original Jamaican cleaning routine. I pack all my clothes and as I cleaned each area of the house I reminded by the abuse. Kitchen cleaning memories of me getting box inna me fridge fi no open me phone caz him think me a give him bun, living room memories getting gun butt because him friend see out n claim say me a talk to man, everybody know say a so most man watch dem fren woman front more dan own woman , bathroom getting my head stomped in because me come from work and head straight inna the bathroom and bedroom weh me find out say me best friend pregnant for him, I need to move because this house nothing but trauma. The hall way had witness me being dragged and punched too much time that you would think I am practicing for the Contender on Tvj .

After getting cleaning done, me belly start perform it's biggest hit song and me go tek up me  nuff self go order on 7 Krave and we know that a next year something. Bay black dot  me soon start see and feel dizzy but me nuh know why I keep doing this to my self. After taking a shower I grab my notepad to write about life because if I am turning over a new page I need to see what I need to avoid.

Dear self,
        we have been through a lot but we survived it....i am still alive . As I am writing this to you to let you know that loving you is going your way be hard as you had been broken into pieces that can't be repaired as some of the pieces are shattered so fine it is now splinters. You showed nothing but love but get hurt, you spent years fighting a loosing battle for love  or a little acceptance from family yet you treated as garbage and is useless. I watched you loved a guy that meant you no good, you keep going back to him only to get hurt over and over, the disrespect was intolerable and you where batter so badly that your skin felt like a water balloon, I always wanted you to leave from the beginning of him showing his true color but I watched you held on the person he was in beginning because of how good he was, while you played those memories the real person was being showed but you cast a blind eye. He tried you like shit, but you stayed. He cheated and played you mentally yet you stayed. You saw the signs but you followed your heart now your mind only of memories of the true manic he was, I begging you to love yourself and put you first because in life nobody will put you first. Be selfish with you, do you, limit who has access to you . 

                                                yours truly
tight ole Skye