Sep 18, 2024 : Woe on me

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by farehna

by farehna

September 18, 2024

8:03am - It's a holiday. I plan on calling and checking on dad. But then again, since it's a holiday there are people at the kampo. So I should go out for a walk. The guia should be great to pass time. As well as call privately. Heck, I have no privacy at kampo. Tsk. Tsk.

9:04am - Dad is transfered to Baguio Gen last night. He was put in the ER for checking and now he is in a ward. He is still fighting. And he is conscious. Although only his eyes are able to move ??? maybe. <😔 Sigh 😔> this is hard. I want to be there and care for him. When I was at the office, I never had such thoughts but now I am mentally recovering so I guess I can care for others. I was just sooo burned out at the office that I shut my senses. That 1 year of school for caregiving and another year of rest helped me not to spiral down. Actually the best is when I left the country. I got away. Phew. It's really good to just leave and never think of them. Hehe. How nice if I just cut off all ties. But no. I can't. Not yet. Cause my current employment has to do with my maternal relatives. I will stay here for another year and apply for other country. My target is Finland or new Zealand. If not then Hong Kong. To pass the time. Also it's easiest to apply for middle east.

8:48pm - it's quite a holiday. Well, thanks to me having a bed I had time to rest. I slept from around 11am to 2pm. I lay down at 10am. Well, I had to move here and there so. But it was hot. Very hot. Even with the fan turned to maximum. But I did discover that putting a towel on my neck is great to avoid me sweating like a pig when I woke up. I got back to my employers house and they are still using the bathroom. So hell with taking a bath. It's not like I would die. But it would be uncomfortable. Ah, yes. There are the wipes. I can just clean my face and feet. That works. Especially since I didn't sweat much. Only when I cooked which is about 10 minutes max. And when I walked from the red marker to my employers house. At most 15 minutes give or take. Anyway I'm good with using wipes to clean and sleep. Lastly I will not turn the AC off tonight. Hell if I get a cold.

Dad still hasn't undergone his operation. I'm still riddled with worries. Haha. My roommate commented that I look young for my age and must be cause I never had worries. Bwahhhaaaahaaa. If only they know how troubled I was. To the point I looked oldest amongst my cousins despite being the youngest. 😂😂🤣😭 I don't feel elated whenever they comment I look young cause I feel as if they are being sarcastic. I know it's me. I have a very pessimistic mind. It just won't stop. So I often try my best to hope for the best. Them saying I became fat is pacifying. Cause I feel balanced. Although I don't want to worry about my weight. It's still the same. Even my clothes aren't tight. I feel light. But they say I grow fat. So I really have to do more exercises. I am not sure why this is happening. I sweat a ton everyday due to the summer heat. Yet I am turning fat. When it was December or ber months however I loss weight and hopefully size down a bit. I can't afford to be fat. I don't want to be stressed. Also I am starting a healthy diet and I turn fat. Tsk. This is really unfavorable.