Alyssa's Sins

4. The Fight For Stability

Fortunately for Alyssa, a doctor's appointment was in a few days' time, and a therapist appointment was next week. All she had to do was fight her low mood until then. Perhaps they could help, or at least give a name for the problem...

She tried distracting herself from her melancholy by walking around and smoking regularly - if it worked it worked. Tobacco was her consort - the few breaks where she could feel the buzz and the tobacco smoke penetrating her young lungs begging for it, were valuable distractions from her troubles. The cigarette felt like an attractive older boy who knew how to French kiss - very pleasing when combined with rich tobacco. It gave her pleasure and helped her through her troubles - if only by smoking them away. 

A few days had gone by. Nearly nothing had been done, but at least Alyssa knew that she was doing something every day, and that's what mattered. In times like this, even a small accomplishment means something. And now, she had survived long enough to see Doctor Mike, a doctor who had strong knowledge in mood disorders. So she and her dad went to the doctor, and the doctor asked some questions.

Doctor: "So what did you come here for, Alyssa?"

Alyssa: "(cries in sorrow) Yeah, on June 9th someone sexually harassed me, and immediately since then I had been extremely sad. I don't have much interest in my hobbies anymore, my appetite has gone way up, i can't even concentrate and I was hypersomnic. I... tried my best to be normal, but it's just... futile at this point... i... godd...."

Doctor: "So how much do you sleep now? How much is your appetite? Any physical conditions? Any mental disorders?"

Alyssa: "10-12 hrs basically every day, my appetite... has been so high that i just feel like i need to eat a meal every 2 hrs,.. No physical conditions to the best of my knowledge and I had not been diagnosed with anything... god i am distressed"

Doctor: "Okay... I will order blood tests just to make sure nothing physical is occurring... but yeah, oh... any periods in your life where you were rather elated, energetic, and things like that?"

Alyssa: "Yes, i had 3 periods of my life (goes into the details of those periods in the story)"

Doctor: "Woah, yeah that's why i asked. Oh yeah, Lucas I assume you are Alyssa's Dad, what do you see?"

Lucas Jones: "Yes, I am Alyssa's Dad. Alyssa is very accurate - she described herself down to a T. For her productive periods, I could see the productivity and her euphoria. I still remember it clearly to this day. And yes... she is obviously really depressed."

Doctor: "It's very clear to me that Alyssa has Bipolar II. Three historical hypomanic episodes and one current depressive episode. I just need to wait for the results of the blood tests. If the blood tests are all clear, I will diagnose Alyssa formally with Bipolar II"

Alyssa: "Thank you!"

With her new diagnosis of Bipolar II, Alyssa had much more self-insight into her emotional issues, and finally had a label of them. It also gave her more ideas to work with, in terms of managing her emotions, and talking to the therapist. Alyssa felt relieved that she wouldn't be dismissed as "teens are emotional" and instead people will realise the problems she faced and what she did to overcome them. She celebrated in joy by buying more cigarettes with her allowance and saving up to buy a classy cigarette holder. After all, it was a significant pleasure of her life and she loved every cigarette she savoured.

Over the next few days, her depressive episode slowly subsided. She went to the doctor again who said she had three hypomanic episodes and one current depressive episode. Considering her personality and other things, the doctor also said she had a hyperthymic temperament as usually she tends to have quite a high mood, and be pretty enthusiastic in life activities. The doctor queried ADHD hyperactive tendencies as well - even if she didn't meet the criteria for the full disorder, it was worth noting down in case things may develop. After all, she has an IQ of 135 - she could plausibly be compensating for ADHD as well, but that needs to be further explored. Another appointment was scheduled in two weeks' time for follow-up.