Alyssa's Sins

5. Calm Before The Storm

The depression had a toxic effect on her productivity for those months - so much so Alyssa called it "The Lost Summer". She knew she had to reorganise her life, catch up her lost productivity and convince teachers to be lenient towards her behavior. This started on August 14th, when she wrote down a plan to help her with her teachers. But Alyssa had her doubts. Was she being grandiose all this time? Was she just being constantly delusional? Insane? Or just a visionary?

Regardless, she soldiered on, distracting herself with music and doing things to stave off the frightening memories of her depression and the incident. It was what she needed to do, and she knew it. She had to live - she had stuff to live for. And she would do it, she thought. She repeated it out verbally as a coping mechanism to stave off intrusive thoughts.

At least for math, there was a clear pathway - take Math 7/8 Accelerated in the sixth grade, Algebra 1 in seventh, Geometry in eighth, Precalculus in ninth to move on to AP Calculus in tenth. All she needed to do was not slack off, and she would be fine. 

However, in other subjects it was ambiguous - in order to finish AP English two years early she would need to skip some courses. This is due to the unfortunate reality of the rigid school system - even the prestigious middle school couldn't fully escape its grasp. At least the graduation requirements in many high schools aren't rigid to the point that she needs AP or equivalent in many subjects to graduate. Besides, if all hell breaks loose, Alyssa could take drastic measures to save her ambitions. She could homeschool and get accepted into a good but not great college, or she could manipulate her teachers into giving her what she wants.

But first things first - getting ready for school on August 31st. Alyssa didn't know if she could survive wearing a uniform, and luckily, she didn't have to. Thus she had the artistic license to appear enchanting, perhaps even seductive depending on the context. But she won't go overboard - she preferred to save sex until she was 18 to have something to save until then - even if she does other stuff earlier or much earlier. Besides, she didn't want to be known as the improper slut - at least for now.

She decided to go out to the shopping mall by herself on August 25th - she realised she needed to learn how to be independent and more mature. Alyssa knew she was lucky - if her father didn't defend her against her over-controlling mom, she would not have nearly as much freedom as she does have now. She needed to buy more clothes, especially seductive ones, and trendy ones to show people she is following the trends. After all if she smoked she might as well look good doing it. That's the first thing she did when she left home first thing in the morning - it was surprisingly quick as the clothes were nicely organised. 

Thankfully the clothes shop did give her a shopping bag to put all the clothes in. It was large enough to fit her haul - a casual dress suitable for school, a few T-shirts and skirts, even black satin gloves if she wanted to look sophisticated while smoking long cigarettes in a holder. Who knows she may have functions to attend and look nice, even if she could smoke incessantly. 

Then, she bought many of the textbooks she needed for basically all the subjects, especially those for the accelerated courses. She knew she couldn't rely on doing homework at the last minute, and making up things in the exam. Therefore, she decided to do things much earlier to be prepared - might as well do things now rather than later. 

True to her spontaneous nature, Alyssa decided to buy more things not on her initial shopping list - more makeup (Especially transfer-proof lipstick), fictional books, different brands of cigarettes. She mostly bought long, classy ones - Virginia Slim 120s, Capri 120s, Misty 100s, with the exception of one brand - Marlboro Reds. It caused her to overspend - leaving nearly nothing for her meals. Fortunately for her, she didn't need to feel the hunger pangs - she could smoke them away. At least she had plenty of cigs and the fashion to look seductive doing so. 

She decided to finish off her pack of Capri 100s - that remaining cigarette was rewarding. Too bad she couldn't smoke while shopping, Alyssa thought, as had been in the old days she could still remember. But at least she had transfer-proof lipstick so even if there were some lipstick stains on her cigarettes, she wouldn't need to reapply lipstick as much after smoking some cigs. Then she went home and put down her stuff before going back out again for more shopping and dinner.

But before then, she used Google Maps on her Blackberry Storm 2 to search for a decent restaurant with a smoking area. After a few frantic minutes she finally managed to find an Italian restaurant that had an outdoor terrace for smoking. Not only was the menu tasty, but also the seats were rather comfortable - letting her enjoy a cigarette in peace. It would be one of her better cigarettes anyways, especially if she tries a new brand. Out of her character, she planned ahead for which cigarette brand she wanted to try - Virginia Slims 120 as they were rather classy.

Lucas Jones was available to eat dinner from 6-7:30pm anyways - more than enough time to savour a 12" classic pizza capricciosa. The restaurant, called Pizzafeast, was surprisingly flexible and gave the comfy outdoor seats with an ashtray when she requested them by phone. After bringing her cigarette holder and the pack of Virginia Slims 120, she finished shopping, then ordered the 12" pizza capricciosa and two caprese salads. Both of them ordered the same drink - a small Negroni with glasses of water. Somehow, Alyssa was not IDed - her makeup made her look vaguely like an adult, which was enough for a lenient foreign restaurant.

After finishing her appetiser, Alyssa put a cigarette in her beautiful cigarette holder and lit up. It was bliss - especially while sipping on her Negroni. The buzz was great, and it was about to get even greater when she gets more tipsy. Not forgetting to pace herself, she ate pizza while drinking and smoking. Maybe the drink and cigarette slightly ruined the taste of the pizza, but oh well, the pizza was still pretty delicious. Besides, the cig and the drink complemented the experience so much Alyssa decided to take a few photos of everything with her Dad.

Once again, her natural creativity shined - her photography was surprisingly decent even though she had only taken photos from a phone a few times. She managed to take a photo showing her in an enchanting light, puffing on her cigarette holder with sophisticated - Audrey Hepburn esque. It really did fit her personality - wholesome with some sins.

She had finished the cigarette with such surprising speed and enjoyment that she decided to light another - the first time she chainsmoked. Knowing that she didn't want to become a very heavy smoker, she paced herself, aiming to finish her cigarette in 6 minutes rather than the 3.5 she used for the first. She already had five cigarettes that day - the previous one included, and to keep her habit to 1/3 pack a day she only had one more remaining after this one. Thus she recorded herself talking about her dinner and being really animated while chainsmoking - a great memory. 

The smell vanished in the friendly atmosphere. Even though it hung like a thick fog between them despite the open air, Lucas didn't seem to mind, and Alyssa didn't care. She recognized that his tolerance of her habit was gold, and it transcended their father-daughter relationship.

Alyssa asked her dad if he could try a Virginia Slim 120, and he agreed, even though he said he didn't smoke much. She respected his personal choice in the same way Dad respected that she smoked daily. The tobacco was rather light yet tasty - perfect for Alyssa who often preferred lighter tobacco as a daily treat. With both of them smoking cigarettes, it was a natural bonding moment - and they did bond greatly. It's as if their relationship had suddenly become a lot friendlier, more like close friends rather than a father-daughter relationship.

The time flew by like lightning passing through a metal rod. Drunk bullet chess on chess.com was so entertaining too! So much so Alyssa was shocked it was 7:30pm. Oh well, the memories were great! She went back home and relaxed for the rest of the day. An hour before she went to bed she smoked her 7th cigarette of the day. Putting the cigarette between her lips was pleasureable - the passionate lipstick stains reflect that as if smoking was her identity - as if smoking was a limb of hers.

The last few days before school before were relaxing thanks to the previous dinner. She calmly bought the remaining things before the start of school and even revised a little ahead. She even bought a portable ashtray to store her butts if there was no bin to throw them. It was really calming to be so prepared to the point of revising ahead even before accelerated middle school started. Perhaps her ambitions weren't a mirage. Perhaps there will finally be a long period of peace and achievement. Perhaps there may even be miracles!