Alyssa's Sins

15. Keeping Promises At All Costs

She decided to quit for a week, 2 days after smoking a pack of flavoured cigarettes. It was going to be tough, but if people were to be convinced Alyssa could control her appetite for tobacco, it had to be done. She knew it would be tough, but the pleasure a week later motivated her through the probable nicotine withdrawal. 

At midnight, May 31st she, in her nightdress, went out to smoke and drink. Suddenly a ghost-like devil was near her back, whispering for her to not stop smoking as she loved her cigarettes. She just needed to get used to smoking more and craving her next drag. "You should be the bad girl - chainsmoke, drink, smoke weed, snort cocaine!" said the voice. 

Then another voice cried out "Alyssa, finish what you've started!" She looked to the left, recognising a hardline admirer. "You can smoke after a week of quitting! Just show them you are not a hopeless addict!" he called out. She stubbed her cigarette and went to sleep.

For the first few days it was tough - she often wanted a cigarette - along with the gentle lung, throat hits and nic buzz. She distracted herself by playing with her hair, studying and surfing the Net. The classroom environment helped distract her from some cravings, especially as she managed to learn some new things. This is despite the classroom content still being too easy overall. 

Chewing gum also helped distract her from some cravings. Because of this, her productivity was almost as much as when she was smoking. Of course, she missed her daily pleasures, but with these coping strategies the days went by. Lucas Jones suggested to alyssa to go to a fancy restaurant for her 12th birthday. Perhaps she would smoke a pipe then, or cigars, or even chainsmoke with glee.

The birthday outing gave Alyssa just enough motivation to make it to June 6th night without smoking. But there was one final hurdle - stopping the intrusive thought for a midnight cigarette. She trembled in fear she wouldn't be able to make it a week, yet soon remembered her coping mechanisms - breathing through the nose out through the mouth. With 30 repetitions of it she calmed herself down and slept.

June 7th, 9am. Finally, after over a week of quitting, Alyssa searched for her cigarettes and lighter. Yes, her breathing was a bit easier, and of course her health risks are lower. But she liked her daily pleasures back, so she frantically looked for them. She didn't want to relight cigarette butts like a hopelessly addicted heavy smoker, and besides, the cigarettes would taste bad. 

She finally found a pack of Marlboro Lights. Yeah they were a bit old but they were decent starting cigarettes to get her lungs used to the tar hits. While they were a little bland, the lung, throat hits and nic buzz were all mesmerising, especially after a week of no pleasure. Lucas Jones congratulated Alyssa for sticking to her promise and let her try a pipe for her 12th birthday.

On her 12th birthday, Alyssa visited her grandfather who occasionally smoked a pipe. Her grandfather allowed Alyssa to take a few draws of her pipe. Startled by how naturally she had smoked it, he asked if Alyssa had smoked before, to which she quickly said she was a seasoned smoker. Grandfather was shocked - Lucas Jones had to intervene to stop a heart attack. Then he suggested Alyssa to leave and... that was that.

Alyssa was shaken. Was her habit really that shocking? It was just cigarettes and alcohol - normal parts of life. Then she remembered the nanny state laws, the declining smoking rate and the stricter social norms these days. Perhaps it was beginning to be more and more shocking - which means Alyssa had to fight for herself at all costs. 

This incident sent Alyssa to a few days of non-productivity and sadness. She felt it would be a repeat of her depressive episode, during her worst. She finished her pack of Marlboro Lights in order to pull herself out of this problem. At least her lungs got used to the gentle hits—she could move on to stronger and tastier cigarettes to satisfy her lungs.

But she knew she had to keep her promises, especially in academics. While summer was over 2 months, time could fly quickly, thus Alyssa promised to finish at least 1 Pomodoro a day, or even more if possible. But to be conservative and avoid burnout she decided to stick to managing 1 Pomodoro a day. She even decided to continue her diary...

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Alyssa's Diary, August 2nd 2010

Somehow I have achieved 60 days of continued study. I guess this is because of the low expectations of study time per day. 1 pomodoro is only 15 minutes after all, and I can easily fit that in, even before a long night out. I can always think twice before smoking to avoid smoking heavily, which would keep the buzzes enjoyable. 

It's been a long time since i had updated my diary - about a year! The smoke breaks were convenient for me to enjoy a buzz or even have a decent excuse to step outside. Thanks to my persuasion, further developed by my debating practice, I can convince many others to accept my smoking! 

My time management has improved drastically; with the cigarettes as convenient breaks, I learnt how to structure my exercise and study time. One day I will need stronger cigarettes to continue getting my daily buzzes, but I can cross that bridge when I get to it. Maybe one day, as I grow bigger, I will need more nic and tar to satisfy my body, perhaps even a full pack of strong cigarettes a day. 

I will cross the bridge when I get to it. But for now, I continue studying and keeping my ambitions open.

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By the end of summer, Alyssa was smoking almost half a pack a day, back to her baseline level. She enjoyed them even more than before the summer, as she knew how difficult it was to go without her daily pleasures. 

The new academic year was about to arrive, and it will be a test if she is mature enough to survive or not. Will she rise up to the challenge?