From Reluctance to Desire: A Mafia Story [JJK]

✨GUILT IN THE SHADOWS✨

The destruction of Jungkook's shipment hit me harder than I expected. It felt like the world was collapsing, and I was the one who set it all in motion. Zalgo's demand, his threatening words—they echoed in my mind as I watched everything spiral out of control. I had never seen Jungkook like this, and knowing I had caused it was almost unbearable.

I stayed in the shadows, avoiding his line of sight as he stormed through the house like a raging storm, shouting orders, and demanding answers. His usual calm demeanor had vanished, replaced by something more primal—an anger so deep that it made everyone around him tremble. But no one was more terrified than me.

I watched, my heart pounding, as he lashed out at the staff, his eyes filled with frustration and betrayal. His trust had been broken, and though he didn't know it yet, the person who had betrayed him was standing right here. I could feel the guilt tightening around my chest like a vice. Every step he took, every time he shouted, it echoed in my head: *It's my fault.*

Zalgo had used me. I had allowed it. And now Jungkook was paying the price.

The weight of that realization was crushing. I couldn't keep hiding. I needed to face him. Even though I wasn't ready for the consequences, I needed to be near him—to do something, anything, to ease his frustration. The guilt was eating me alive, and I couldn't bear to stay silent anymore.

I made my way to Jungkook's room, my heart racing with each step. When I knocked and pushed the door open, the smell of smoke hit me first. The dim light cast shadows across his face as he sat on the edge of his bed, staring blankly at the wall, a cigar clenched between his lips. I'd never seen him this distant, this... lost.

Before I could stop myself, I walked over and grabbed the cigar, snuffing it out in the dustbin. It was an impulsive move, but I couldn't stand watching him destroy himself.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" he barked, his voice sharp, filled with irritation.

I tried to steady my voice, though my insides felt like they were shaking. "Don't spoil your health. And mine too."

He glared at me, his eyes blazing with anger. But there was something else behind that anger, something softer, like a flicker of confusion or hurt. It softened his expression, if only for a moment. I sat beside him on the bed, feeling the tension radiating off him in waves. His fists were clenched, his whole body rigid, like he was holding everything in by sheer force of will.

"Don't get so worked up," I said gently, placing a hand on his shoulder. "You'll figure it out. Just breathe."

But that wasn't enough. He stood up abruptly, pacing like a caged animal. "Someone's betraying us," he spat, the words filled with venom. "Someone I trusted. And when I find out who the fuck it is..."

I could barely breathe as he spoke. The guilt was suffocating me. Every word he said felt like a dagger to my chest because I was the person he was talking about. The one who had betrayed him. The one who had ruined everything.

"I'll make them fucking pay," he growled, his voice filled with a fury that scared me.

I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't listen to him speak with so much anger, knowing it was aimed at me, even if he didn't realize it. Without thinking, I stood up, closed the distance between us, and kissed him. It was an act of desperation, an attempt to stop the words, to stop the anger. For a moment, he froze, shocked by the suddenness of it all. But then, slowly, he gave in.

His arms wrapped around me, and the kiss deepened. It wasn't soft or tender—it was filled with frustration, with anger, with all the emotions we were both trying to drown. It felt like we were both trying to escape, to forget, even if just for a moment. But as we pulled away, breathless, the guilt came crashing back down on me. The kiss hadn't changed anything. If anything, it made the weight on my chest even heavier.