Notions || jean kirstein

Headlock

Soundtrack-
Theft, and wondering around lost - cocteau twins
Cigarettes out the window - TV girl
Taco truck x VB - Lana
Headlock - Imogen Heap

I slept well that night.

After what felt like weeks of restless nights, I finally felt at peace, Jean and I were friends now.

The vision of his crows feet when he smiled was burnt into the back of my head as my eyes grew heavy, snuggling up in my clean pyjamas. The memory of him hand in hand with me as we glided over the ice was enough to send me off to sleep with a warm smile, fuelled by the delusions of ignorance of my idiotic limerence.

5:15 am

Alarm - skate practice!

1 new notification - instagram

Searching for my ringing phone, I groaned. Last night on a whim I texted the coach saying that I was ready to come back to practice... Last night I was in another world. Regretting the High expectations of my past self, I rubbed my tired eyes as I heard Ymir stir from the other side of the room.

My face lit up with the light of the phone as I unlocked it, the notification catching my eye.

jean_kirstien wants to follow you.

Suddenly I was reminded of last night's affairs. My legs kicked and face scrunched with excitement before I caught myself, surprised. My heart almost beating out of my chest, it dawned on me quickly that this feeling shouldn't be normal. My hand reached up to my face as my eyes stared wide before in the dark.

What the fuck am i doing

"What the fuck are you doing" i heard a voice croak out beside me.

"Are you having a stroke??" Ymir's voice sounded confused but more pissed than anything.

A gasp escaped my mouth as my head snapped to my right, "Sorry ymir" I peeped out

She groaned, rolling over. "your alarm is bad enough"

I gulped, guilt folding me as quietly pulling my sheets off me. "Sorry" I repeated.

The tram was quiet, and warm, unlike outside where thick white seats of white piled on top of each other. The weather in Sina was renowned for being terribly cold, but living in it is an experience in itself. During the ride, I sat silently my black chunky headphones blasting the music that had played last night. I couldn't shake the thought of Jean and it dawned on me that these delusional feelings aren't what I needed. It was easier to not think about him when he barely used to acknowledge me and when he did, I just felt offended. But this... is not good. I will admit, before last night, I was a bit hung-up on him due to my feelings being hurt and no explanation to why he was acting the way I did. Nonetheless how am I supposed to not feel like it, considering the way he held me, let me cry into him, took me home- NO!

My hands reached up to my head rubbing my eyes, suddenly the thought of Marco entered my brain.

'Ooouu' I whispered, my hands now up in my hair, as I felt an overwhelming sense of sorrow low in my belly. I didn't know how to feel, did I just ruin my chances with je- who am i kidding, im just a shit person. I still haven't replied to Marcos texts, I thought. Affirmed, I'm just a shit person. I could maybe just brush the kiss off as a cheeky one off, and then get with his best friend weeks later?! I do like Marco tho, he's so kind and sweet I just-

Your overthinking y/n

Unresolved feelings for both the boys, I wallowed in my self pity as I realized that we were parked at my station already. Quickly I stumbled out, the wind pushing through me. coach Akerman met me at the rink, his hair slicked back, clip bored in hand as a blond sat behind him, hands in his hair.