the cadence of part time poets

Chapter 41: A Rather Rancid Revenge

See the years roll on by,
Such a senseless waste of time;
What a way to reform,
Call out your number;
Who's a non-conformer,
Not me baby, oh yeah!

- "Borstal Boys" Faces, 1973

Friday 3rd December 1976

It had taken a few days of study but eventually they'd worked out how they were going to return Sirius' birthday favour to Reg and his friends. Of course though, it hadn't been enough to consider only pranking the four of them. After some eager propaganda from Sirius, it was now looking like all of Salazar House was to bear the brunt of their rancid revenge. That was if Professor Slughorn ever stopped talking.

"So you see Lumby, every hydrogen atom in your body is likely over thirteen billion years old because every hydrogen atom was created at the very beginning of the universe."

"Uh-huh."

"And even that had to wait another three hundred and eighty years for the universe to cool after the Big Bang."

"Cool..."

"Yes, very cool! Cool enough for hydrogen and helium to form. The very first elements!"

Professor Slughorn beamed at him, and Remus just blinked back. He thought agreeing to keep watch would mean he'd have to think less about the prank, which involved several chemicals and accelerants (of the non-poisonous kind—they checked) that he could barely pronounce, but he hadn't counted on Hawkings' chemistry teacher paying a evening visit to his classroom when everyone was supposed to be at dinner. The others had had just enough time to throw themselves into a classroom storage closet as Remus had scrambled to pull his lock-picks from the supply cupboard when Slughorn had strode in. He'd been initially surprised to find him there alone, but after some quick excuses on Remus' part, was all too willing to launch into a lecture on the differences between hydrogen sulphate and hydrogen sulphide.

"I'm sorry, Lumby," Professor Slughorn started, dropping his deep-set brow, "was there something you wanted to ask? I don't believe I have you in any of my classes, do I?"

"Oh no," Remus tried, wetting his lips, "I was just trying to come up with an interesting research topic for my end of term history paper, but after our chat I'm confident that I wouldn't be able to do the universe much justice."

"Nonsense, you seem to be a good listener. How are those notes going?"

Remus snapped down to the notepad he'd been pretending to scribble on. "Oh I..."

Slughorn checked his watch. "Great snakes, is that the time? Best be getting on now, else you'll miss curfew."

Remus nodded and let himself be guided out of the classroom, down the hallway, and into the chilly night. After saying goodbye to Slughorn, he walked down the pavement a bit and hid in the bushes until his friends spilled out after them into the dark, all of them giggling like school girls.

"Now where was that acting on Halloween?" Sirius demanded, spotting Remus as he stepped into the light of a street lamp with his hands in his pockets.

"Up your arse."

"You tell him, Lumby," James grinned.

Remus scowled. "You get everything?"

"Oh yeah," James said, as he and Peter showed off the boxes they were carrying. Inside were dozens of empty glass or plastic bottles gathered from the kitchen's rubbish bins, balloons, duct tape, bicarb soda—everything they would need for the prank, at least according to the Snape's notes.

"Think we should test it?" Peter asked, looking down into the box.

James nodded. "Yeah, but not in our bedroom. As long as Snivellus hasn't led us astray then the smell is going to stick around for a while."