the cadence of part time poets

Chapter 76: Communication Breakdown

Everywhere people stare,
Each and ev'ryday;
I can see them laugh at me,
And I hear them say;
Hey, you've got to hide your love away,
Hey, you've got to hide your love away...

- "You've Got to Hide Your Love Away" The Beatles, 1965

Later that evening...

Remus had never known another queer person aside from Sirius, and that had never really counted for much, considering they were both so dense when it came to things such as queer matters. Marlene, on the other hand, seemed to know everything. Within the first few hours of coming out to each other, she'd told Remus all there was to know about gay and lesbian rights within the UK. It got to the point that he was starting to feel stupid. Marlene had clearly done her research, and considered herself a part of those communities, even if no one else knew it. It was harder for Remus—thinking of himself as the same as those who campaigned for their rights. And well... baby steps, he supposed.

"Homosexuality is still technically illegal here in Scotland, but for England and Wales, the age of consent for gay men is twenty-one," she'd informed him; "Which is complete bollocks too, of course. It's only sixteen for heterosexual couples. The laws are more murky for lesbians—they always are, it's the misogyny—but generally there's still the threat of conviction if you're caught. I've looked into it and Hawkings doesn't have any rules prohibiting buggery, but they're bound by Scottish laws, so..."

It was a dreary conversation, one Remus would rather not be having, but a part of him felt blessed. The information burst out Marlene like a geyser. She talked about how sexuality was a 'spectrum' and gender was 'subjective to the majority party'—that was, whoever held the power decided what gender was to be. She had all these theories too, like about how Hollywood was always covering up its stars' 'queerness' and that everyone was at least five percent gay. Remus realised early on that he'd have quelled much of his emotional turmoil had he just come out to her sooner. She knew exactly what he meant the moment he described the sort of attraction he'd felt not only for Sirius, but for other boys and girls as well.

"So you're bisexual?" She'd asked, simple as that. Remus still had trouble saying the word himself, but he'd nodded timidly and she hadn't pressed the matter any more.

Afterward they'd made their way toward the Flamel Block, skipping dinner and setting up in their regular spot. Remus enjoyed it, and the familiar place provided a sense of calm amidst such a worrying conversation, but as reluctant as he was to discuss his own sexuality, Marlene seemed to hold no such qualms. They'd talked well into the evening about how Marlene had always known she were gay, but like so many, she'd tried squashing the feelings—the urges—hoping they'd dissipate on their own.

"I honestly thought I could like you," she'd told him, blue eyes turning glassy again. "You know, the way Mary likes all of her boyfriends, but it never felt quite right. I'm sorry if this hurts your feelings."

"It doesn't," he'd replied. "I liked you, but Sirius was always there, even, I think... when I didn't understand what that meant."

"And now?"

"It's always been him, Cherry... But yeah, I still liked you."

She took his hand and gave it a squeeze. "God, if I could put you in Chastity Bell's body..."

Remus had laughed then, and then Marlene filled him in on everything to do with her and Chastity. It turned out that the two of them had been innocently paired off together for a class project and because Chastity found it hilarious to tease everyone, she'd waited until they were alone in the library to dare Marlene to kiss her over their textbooks. Apparently she hadn't been banking on Marlene actually doing it. The little peck had ignited something between the two of them, but no matter how well things went under the covers, they couldn't help but argue the moment it was over.