the cadence of part time poets

Chapter 74: Up and Down, Interrupted

Well, I'm sorry for the things that I told you,
But words only go so far;
And if I had my way,
I would reach into heaven,
And I'd pull you down a star, for a present;
And I'd make you a chain out of diamonds,
And pearls from a summer sea;
But all I can give you is a kiss in the morning,
And a sweet apology... 

- "Tomorrow's Gonna Be a Brighter Day" Jim Croce, 1972

Monday 19th September 1977

This was it, he'd decided—this was the upswing. Remus Lupin was finally going to get his life together. He woke up the morning more sure of anything he'd ever known; this was it! He was going to make up with Sirius, prove that that the only person he was truly gone for was him and finally things would start to fall into place. He'd even taken the dictionary out of the library, which Ms. Pince only let him do because he was a prefect. He had everything now, everything to explain himself and what he'd been feeling. He still had to own up to the Tomny kiss, but he'd do it. He'd do it as many times as Sirius needed him to, because Sirius was worth every word.

He just wished Sirius was willing to make things a little bit easier.

After his discovery in the library, Remus had rushed back to the dorm and all but begged Sirius for a few minutes alone, but he'd been brushed off in favour of dinner and a rerun of Pops. Remus told himself to be patient, that eventually he and Sirius would be alone again and he could make everything clear. It was reassuring to know at least that Sirius was not spending all of his free time with Nydia, though whether that meant their date had gone well or not, he was not sure.

Come Monday, Remus felt like a shaken fizzy drink ready to burst. He'd tried again that morning to talk to Sirius—no dice—and now they were sitting in class, assigned a worksheet while Professor Bilshin took one of his so-called 'conference calls'. (Everyone knew this was just his way of saying he was stepping out for a mid-morning fag.)

Since no sane professor would dream of allowing any Marauder to sit within ten feet of one another, Remus had to turn around in his seat to watch Sirius from the front of the room. He looked handsome today, he noted, though Sirius looked handsome everyday—the prick. He and Marlene were working together, but while she'd already busied herself in work, Sirius appeared bored, sitting with his boots up on the desk, shirt untucked and tie loosened around his throat. As he distracted himself by balancing a pencil on his top lip, Marlene reached over and smacked him, muttering something Remus couldn't make out. Sirius just grinned at her, guilty, and Remus felt a pang of jealousy. At least those two got to be seat partners; he hadn't been so lucky.

"You should take a picture, Loony," Snape sneered, from the seat over.

Remus glared at him. Figured that out of all A-Level classes, he'd get stuck with Snape in Classics. "You should piss off, Snape," he told him, in no mood.

"I've yet to decide if it's distracting, watching you ogle your mates from across the room, or just plain pathetic. Tell me, do you stare at everyone like a lovesick pansy?"

"Not everyone. Some people I stare at with disdain and loathing. You might even know some of them, you miserable toe rag."

Snape smirked, like he'd just won a prize at the faire, but despite the haughty reaction he turned back to his work and said nothing more. Remus was relieved, the last thing he needed was Snape noticing how much attention he was paying to those of the same gender. Still, too tempted, he glanced back at Sirius' seat once more and felt his heartbeat quicken when he realised that Sirius was staring back. He flashed a meek wave, which Sirius returned, more cool and collected than anything else.