Right Down Cherry Lane//Warrant •Jani Lane•

Revelation

Things were actually okay. Jon gave me the house. I didn't ask him to that. Since he and I weren't married, there was no divorce, no prenup, no all that 'tying your romantic life to the government' bullshit or 'she gets half, he gets little to nothing'

I helped him move out. He was living in a nice apartment that he had rented, not that far from the house.

That was about a week ago, and people were going ballistic. It was so bad, that Jon had to put out a press release about us still being friends and a family. So no one would shit on me like they were and calling me a gold digger and any other name under the sun.

Fans of any band are gunna be die hard through and through I guess.

Just because Jon and I were okay and still talking and still friends, didn't mean I was necessarily okay. I wanted Jon to be happy, and as far as I can tell he is. And I know he was with me, but-true love man, there's just no explaining it.

Grace and Carrie were staying with Jon tonight. So I was going to have myself a nice time at the bar by myself. I ordered myself a vodka tonic.

When it came, I nursed it, humming along to whatever Whitesnake song that was playing in the place.

As I did that, I didn't care about what was happening around me. It didn't matter to be honest. After some time though, I felt someone's eyes on me, like they were watching me.

***

I went to the bar myself. I don't even know why. The other day, I did find out though, that Lori and Jon had broken up. But apparently there was no bad blood between the two.

And to my surprise, when I walked into the bar, there she was, sitting there, sipping on a vodka tonic. It's been a long time since I've seen her.

Before I could stop myself, my legs were walking over and I sat down next to her.

***

And then I felt someone sit down next me. I took another sip of my tonic and turned my head. I almost turned away, got up, and left. But I didn't. I just turned away from him and continued looking forward.

It was quiet for a minute.

"I'm sorry you and Jon didn't work out." He said. I scoffed. "No you're not, you're probably fucking elated over the fact that Jon and I broke up." I said, not wanting to talk to him. Especially about this.

"No, no I am. What's so bad about it? He broke up with you?" I scoffed again, this time fully turning my whole body in the barstool and looking at him.

"No, he didn't break up with me, and I didn't him. It was a mutual feeling." I said, about to fucking deck Jani, but also realizing I kind of did break up with Jon.

"What happened?" Jani asked again. I rolled my eyes. "He fell in love with someone else. I mean I don't think he fell in love with her, I think he was always in love with her." I ranted, turning my head away from him and to my drink.

Jani looked at me with a pissed off and confused look. "But you said it was a mutual feeling?" He said, continuing with the confused questions. I then looked at him dead in the fucking eyes. "It was." I said, truthfully.

Even after all the shit Jani did, and he and I not being anywhere near a relationship, I still loved him.

He looked at me, still furrowed eyebrows. I stared at him. And for a minute there it felt like we were staring into each others souls.

"Who?" He questioned in a different tone then he used before. I continued to look in his eyes, my features softening. I didn't have to say his name.

"...oh." Is all he said, realization dawning on his face that the guy I fell in love with was him. We still held each other's gazes. "Was...you said was." He continued. I nodded, looking away from him.

"Why was?" Jani said, asking yet another question. I sighed.

"You put me through a lot of shit, Jani. And it was already like that from the second we met. I don't want to be in love with someone who does nothing but degrade me. Has misogynistic ideations, makes sexist jokes. I can't be in love with someone if they don't respect me." I told him truthfully.

"I apologized." He said calmly. I looked at him again. "Just because you apologized, doesn't mean you won't do it again." I told him honestly.

He sat there a minute, flagging down a bar tender and ordering a beer. "I won't." He said. I wasn't hearing it. "We don't know that. Ever since I met you Jani, I've been taking a shit walk- feeling like a dog on the floor, right down Cherry Lane. And I don't want that." I explained.

"So what does this mean?" He questioned. Taking a sip of his beer. I shrugged and mentally pictured my brain punching my heart. "So, I said was. Was." I told him, paying and then getting up to walk away.

My heart was a hypocrite to my brain. And the two always seemed to be at an impasse.

As I walked away, I had hoped he would call out for me, or that my fucking heart would strangle the hand of my brain and I'd walk back to him and take everything I said back.

But he didn't, my heart and mind still at an impasse, and I didn't take anything back.

Instead, I walked out of the bar and to my car.

When I got into my car, I put my mind in drive along with the car and tried my best to push away the revelation I had in the bar.

I loved Jani. I was fucking in love with Jani and I just bullshitted my way through that conversation. Why? Because I was scared of getting a relationship again.

I wasn't scared with Jon, but that was what it was. It happened, we were happy and we were still happy even if it wasn't with each other.

Fuck revelations about love.