“Love, we're 12 years now. Pero we still don't have any plan on marriage” I said, trying to catch his attention.
Jerome frowned and turned to me. “I told you, I'm not yet ready. Besides, gusto ko pa buhayin ang pamilya ko.”
“I understand” I replied, though disappointment tugged at my heart.
Jerome and I have been together for 12 years, yet we've never seriously discussed marriage. Even though it frustrates me sometimes, I force myself to understand his reasons. He always avoids the topic whenever it comes up.
“Hindi ako makakauwi mamaya, Wena. Aalis na ako” paalam nito. Ngumiti naman ako at tumungkad para sana halikan ito pero umiwas ito.
Napapalunok akong tumayo ng tuwid at nagpilit ng ngiti sa kaniya.
“Alis na ako” malamig nitong saad bago umalis.
Simula nang araw na ʼyon, ay lagi na lang itong umuwi sa madaling araw. Minsan ay umuuwi pa itong lasing. Even if I'm tired and it's draining me, I still understand his situation.
“Late ka na naman umuwi, Jerome” I said gently, but he frowned.
“Ano bang pakialam mo? Girlfriend lang kita” he snapped before storming into the bedroom.
His words echoed in my mind, making my knees weak. I had to hold onto the doorframe for support.
That day, we fought, and everything changed. Mas lalo itong lumala. Minsan, umuuwi siya ay amoy pabango ng babae. Halos gabi-gabi din akong umiiyak habang pinapakinggan itong masayang tumatawa habang may kausap sa cellphone.
Kaya nang umalis ito, ay agad ko itong sinundan.
“Dito na lang po ako, Manong.” Bumaba na ako at binayaran ito.
Pagkababa ko, ay sakto namataan ko ito na pumapasok sa isang condominium. Kahit nangangatal ang kamay ko ay palihim ko itong sinundan hanggang sa huminto ito sa isang kwarto.
Bigla na lang din itong bumukas at iniluwa nito ang magandang babae. She looks so innocent and fragile. Halos madurog ang puso ko lalo na nang halikan niya ito sa labi at noo.
Dahil sa nasaksihan, ay dahan-dahan na akong tumalikod habang may luha parin sa mata ko.
The next morning, despite my swollen eyes, I went through my morning routine. I cooked breakfast as usual, and when Jerome came out of the bedroom, I served the food and sat down.
“May gusto ka bang sabihin sa akin?” I asked coldly.
He swallowed and averted his gaze. “Wala naman.”
I slammed my hand on the table in anger. “That's bullshit. I know everything. You're cheating behind my back. I trusted you. I invested 12 years of love, and you waste it on that woman”
“I-I'm sorry” he stammered.
“Kaya pala ayaw mo akong pakasalan kasi hindi pa talaga ako? Hindi ba ako sapat? Kulang pa ba ako?” When he didn't answer, I left the table, went to our bedroom, and started packing my bags.
I glanced back at him one last time before leaving.
Months passed, and I heard he was getting married.
It's ironic, isn't it? We were together for 12 years, and he never once considered marrying me. Yet, with a woman he met just a few months ago, he was ready to walk down the aisle.
I'm one of those women who build a man for another woman.
