Meant To Be | Lee Felix

distanced | part 11

___________CHAE'S POV__________

My mouth grows dry and the tears prickle at the hem of my throat. Felix freezes in front of me. For a moment- I see something in his eyes; something which words aren't capable of describing.

I can't- If I stay with him any longer I must tell him what happened. I don't want him to know. Why? Because that'd create more complications. I know what exactly to do from now on.

Anger in me is greater than my hurt- yet I don't know on who am I so mad. Maybe it's me, myself. For being so pathetic and getting close to someone who is not good for me. For not realising I am nothing but another fangirl to Felix. For thinking maybe I and Felix could be something.

Before I create more ruckus here, I turn and walk away. My footsteps are heavy and I feel like the ground is sucking me in. When I want it to, it won't.

I bite my lip and rub my arms for it has started to get windy. My tears don't seem to stop.
Felix appears from behind and grabs my hand.
I try to jerk away but his grip is determined.

He gets down on his knees way to stop my tracks further. With both his warm hands he holds mine made of ice. I don't want to look at him because if I do, am afraid my autopilot will want to hug him. My eyes stay low on my feet.

"What happened? Chae... You can tell me," His voice is careful. My staggered breaths seem to get worse.
He flips my elbow and examines my hands, his movements are angrily soft.

"How did this happen? Did someone do it?"

I close my eyes because I know he knows how to read my eyes. Tears roll down my frosty cheeks. I hold breath as the more I inhale the more am tearing up.

He stands up and grasps my face in his warm hands. I wish he could hold onto me forever and I would never be cold again.

He forces me to look at him "Look at me, hon'," a gentle wipe on my right cheek reassures me that he is not unreal, "Chae, look at me, please..."
I could do anything he says by the way he said please.

I lock my gaze on those glaciers. Oh lord, I could faint. Am afraid I will get hypnotized by those deep gems.

I should push him away.
He caresses my jaw again.
I don't want to push him away.

"I asked who the fuck did this..." The deep growl indicates he is angry. But not on me.

By some angel's mercy, I find my voice and muster up all the will left in me to say- "It's just a bruise; I tripped over the football in the P.E period"
"Lies. You are suspended from P.E., I very well remember"

Shit. I myself forgot, why would he remember that ugh. Head throbs and it feels like I might puke anytime.
I take his hands off me with a harsh jerk- "Why would it matter to you, Felix?" My voice cracks because am trying with my entire life to not cry.
"It matters to me more than you could ever imagine, hon'," His eyes plead.

"No. If it did, y-you wouldn't arrive late." I chew on my bottom lip; I can see the cry building up again. I hate the flashbacks of what happened inside the gate there.

And I leave. Away from him. My home isn't that far and I can walk to it. Am not surprised he doesn't follow me again. Why would he? I could see the hurt in his eyes when I said the last line. A part of me wants him to force me to spill out what happened; so that the burden in my heart would lessen. But the other part of me wishes- him to not care; for he would blame himself.

(Later at home)

"You said you'd go for shopping for then prom, right darling?" Mom asks at the dinner. Dad isn't home; as always.
I unconsciously play with my spaghetti. Oh yeah right, I know mom, I and Felix would've had so much fun shopping. But looks like fate doesn't want it to be so.